This month in Cambodia, my team is living in a small village. Five children, ranging from 3 to 15 years old, live right next door to us. Their mother is dead and their father and step mother do not take the best care of them. They have lice, their clothes smell, they're dirty, and they don't have much food. We often see the oldest girl, who is 15, picking lice out of her sisters hair, attempting to do her best at washing their clothes, and cooking them rice.
They very quickly came to our house and wandered in, making quick friends with the team. We went outside and played with them, carrying them around on our backs and swinging them. We smiled and laughed.
Then, our ministry began. Teaching English during the day, one on ones with students in the afternoon, then Bible Study in the evening. Our free time was spent playing with the children next door. However, I noticed by the third that I was getting tired and worn out. My “eager to be in Cambodia” spirit, initially full of life and energy, was fading fast.
I would come back from teaching and just want to sit in the house, listen to my music, read my Bible, journal and rest. But the children would come to the door or call for us through the window, wanting to play. They didn’t understand “not now” or “we’ll play later.”
I would humor them and play along for a few minutes, but my heart was never in it. I was never really loving them. I was just putting up with them.
As hard as it is for me to admit this, I began to see the children next door as a burden. And my desire to spend time with them diminished. I would stay inside, trying to focus and prepare for the next thing I had to do that day.
But I would always feel guilty. “What would Jesus do?” I would ask myself. And I always thought he'd go okay outside with the children. So on several occasions, I went out and played with them because I felt too guilty to get much accomplished staying inside. I couldn’t read my Bible, because I’m reading a book about God’s love, but ignoring the children outside. I couldn’t rest because my mind would be running wild with thoughts about what I should be doing, if what I was doing was right or okay.
Then one morning after breakfast I was especially tired and in need of some time alone with The Lord. I began reading my bible when the youngest girl, probably 3 or 4, came over to the window, peered in, and began calling for us. I ignored her, knowing that I needed this time or else I wouldn't get through the day. I smiled and waved, but other than that, I let her be. I began reading where I had left off, but I couldn't get back into the Word.
I felt overwhelmed with guilt. Feeling selfish and torn, I asked the Holy Spirit, “What should this look like? I want to be like Jesus. What would Jesus do here?”
And he so quickly and clearly answered.
I had been looking at a small picture of what Jesus would do in a moment. I hadn't looked at how Jesus spent a day.
There were many times where Jesus welcomed people. He played with children, spoke with his disciples, taught the people, and performed miracles of healing.
But He didn’t spend all of his time with people. He spent lots of time in prayer and rest.
In Luke 5:15-16, it says, “But now even more crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their sickness, but He often withdrew to desolate places to pray.”
There were crowds of broken people with diseases and sicknesses, people he could have taught and healed. But He walked away. He retreated to be by himself, because he knew the importance of time spent with the Father.
Jesus withdrew away from the crowds (ministry) to be with his disciples (my WR team/squad) and he withdrew from his disciples to be with the Father (alone time).
Jesus created space. He often took his disciples across the lake (Mark 3:7) to be with them away from the crowds. But we can’t get on a boat and sail away. We can only shut the door, leaving the kids looking in or calling to us from the windows.
But these times when we seek rest are so powerful. It’s a sacred place where we can be filled with God’s love so that we can better love those around us. If I want to really love these kids next door, I need this time away from them. The guilt I had felt was directly from Satan. He knows how much of a threat we are when we spend time away from the hustle and bustle of our lives and get quiet with the Lord.
When was the last time you felt guilty? Since the Holy Spirit does not guide using guilt, why do you think Satan wanted you to feel guilty?
How many times in the past week have you said “yes” to time with God and “no” to time with people?
