I was
laying in bed last night, speaking goodness and joy into my tummy, head and
sleep so I would have a better night’s rest when I began to contemplate my
relationship with God. Now as much as I
would love to say God and I speak all day every day, I would be lying. And the last 3 days I have been exceptionally
absent because I was quite ill.
It comes
down to the fact that I am lazy. I get
into a lazy funk and I allow myself to just chill there. And when I am sick, it’s super easy for me to
stay in that laziness. So I have
definitely been lazy in my relationship with God most of this month. And when I let my relationship with Papa
Grande slack, it affects my interactions and attitude. When God and I aren’t good, nothing’s good.
When we
first arrived on Ometepe Island, I felt recharged, excited and positive about
where I was with the Lord and my teammates.
I was enjoying Team Time and looking forward to the rest of the
month. Well, then the Devil got his
claws in me, throwing one physical ailment after another at me and I caved and
gave into the lazy negativity. I became
indifferent to the people around me, avoided conversation and counted the
minutes until Team time was finished each night. Then once I got sick…like, couldn’t move from
my bed, no sleep, wanted to throw up every second sick…I totally gave up all
fight for my relationships with God and my team.
Not anymore. I am on the mend and following an in depth
conversation with my team leader, Micah, yesterday…I am fighting to regain
control over my attitude, my physicality and my Nicaraguan life. I need to be called out on my lacksadaisicalness,
and then be told what to replace it with.
So last night as I began to drift off to sleep, I spoke to my tummy,
telling it that God has already given me health and I receive that and live in
that. I spoke to my mind and my heart
that they are open to receive God’s words and visions, that He has already
given me the prophetic and all I have to do is accept that. I spoke to my night that I would have a great
sleep and that I would awake rejuvenated, healthy and happy. Last night was the first time this month that
I didn’t watch a movie or listen to my ipod to fall asleep. I put my earplugs in, talked to God and my
body, rolled over and fell asleep. And I
slept well. I feel better today and I AM
BACK!
