Wall Proof
Do you know that feeling of waking up and something about that morning just gives you an automatic, confident attitude? That, “I can take on the world” kind of mindset. But then IT happens. You find yourself staring in the mirror, asking yourself, “Who am I? Why am I so ugly? Ughh, man look at those fat cells, wait.. Am I even real? WOWWW, I am really talking to myself. What if.. I’m not just staring at my reflection? What if in reality I AM my reflection staring at the real me?! Why is it all so hard and confusing?
Why do I find it SO hard to love myself?”
Well, this happens to me. Constantly.
Why is it that I wake up and I feel like I can conquer the world, but then some type of sporadic self destruction seems to latch right on to that confidence. I have come to realize part of the problem lies within the moment I encounter people.
I have self diagnosed myself with, (ATTMPLMS) Always Trying To Make People Like Me Syndrome. Daily thoughts flood my mind, like “Does this person like me? Am I funny or am I just being weird? They are probably staring directly at my acne thinking I need to audition for a Proactive commercial. Ohh caca I PROBABLY SMELL!”
Everywhere I go I walk around with this “confidence”, but the moment I let these thoughts control me, it becomes a fleeting confidence that only lasts as long as people still approve of me.
Funny
Jesus Freak
Loving
Crazy
Goofy
Annoying
Too Much
Fat
Good musician
Awful Musician
Ugly
Beautiful
Loud
Daughter of the King
Doer of Evil (sinner)
Prayer Warrior
German
These are just a FEW titles that I have taken ownership of. I have always said that transparency is the best way to live and I used to believe I was as transparent as they came, but in reality I have only been as transparent as the walls of me proving myself have allowed me to be.
Oddly enough, church is the biggest “prove yourself Sara” place I’ve been. That’s where my spiritual family is, the people that I want to make like me. I needed their approval to feel as though I was a good Christian.
But guess what?! GOD HAS ALREADY CALLED ME BY MY NAME. He has set me apart because he loves me and his approval is the only approval I have ever needed and will ever need. And guess what is even greater… HE HAS GIVEN ME HIS APPROVAL THE MOMENT HE THOUGHT OF ME!
And let me tell you people, when you live for approval of humans you live for a guaranteed failure of self worth.
I have come to the conclusion that we need to LOVE OURSELVES. Love yourself, not because others love you, but because Jesus Loves you and you love you. Keep your eyes focused on the Lord and ask him to reveal to you how he sees you. Your identity is in him. Not human approval.
I challenge you to spend quiet time with Him. Prepare to bring a pen and paper because He has been ready and waiting for you to come to Him so he can tell you how he truly sees you.
And please, don’t get me wrong, I try to be true to myself wherever I am. I thrive off of real people and being real. However, there is one thing that is going to change; I am done allowing how people see me, make me who I am.
It’s not your fault, it’s mine for allowing your thoughts (which you probably don’t even have about me) control me.
Every day I step into an identity. Some days it’s multiple identities and some days it’s just one. So yeah! I am crazy, messy, goofy, serious, extroverted at times and introverted at others. But most of all I am ME. I own the title of WALL PROOF because no titles nor walls will keep me from the approval of my King.
I. Am. Wall Proof!
