Have you ever seen a candle being created?
It starts with the wick, the light source. Next it is dipped in the wax. The wick and wax are submerged over and over again until the candle is finished. Throughout this process the first layer of wax is remelted and softened every time it is dipped. This process is vital for the candle to gain it’s full density. When the candle is finished it is ready to serve its purpose, to bring light. God gave me this imagery to help explain the refining that is taking place in my life.
My prayer since I have been on the race is to love the way Jesus did. I thought I had this all figured out, but I realized week 1 of Haiti that I did not have a clue what it looked like to really love. The reason is because I had never truly allowed the Lord to love me. Last month I felt as though I was starting all over again. He tore down my abandoned house that sat on the sand to replace it with a cement foundation: Love. It hurt and it was messy. I felt as though at times my prayers were falling on deaf ears, but God kept pointing me back to Psalm 116:1-2 “I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.”
I can not begin to tell you how many times I have been told by other people that God loves me. In all honesty it doesn’t matter how many times I hear those words if my heart does not receive it. The simple words “Jesus loves me” laid numb in my heart. I reached a point of exhaustion, I want to love what God made. I want to receive the love that God gave me, he died for ME, why can’t I believe that?
One night I asked the Lord to really show me his love for me. I was sitting in my bed praying when outside my window I heard one of my squad mates singing “How He Loves Me.” My first thought was, wow Jesus thank you. But then I quickly resorted to doubt. Her singing was just coincidence. He isn’t doing that for me.
The very next day, another one of my squad mates ran up to me saying that God had a word for me.
I was a little hesitant at first, but she told me that God wanted me to know how much he loves me. She had written it down, all His words and gave it to me that morning. “Sara, I’m so proud of you. My love for you goes beyond appearances. I do not love based on that. I love you no matter what you do or what you look like. I could not be anymore in love with you. Live in my love, not the world’s love.”
I was blown away because she had no idea what my prayer had been the night before. God sent her to tell me that he loves me.
My heart began to release its grip on those numbing words and I started receiving them with truth. I took everything to the Lord and just asked him to speak to me. This is what he said, “Sara, my daughter, please let me love you. That is my driving force behind it all, MY LOVE. You will never fail if you know it, TRULY know it.”
Then He led me to the passage 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ” “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
He continued with, “I love you, this is me. I am love, replace the word Love with my name, Jesus. You embody me, become like me. Sara, YOU ARE LOVE because I AM LOVE. You walk as I walk, in my footsteps. Love is not an emotion. It is what I have told you to become, to be like me, Jesus. I love you and I’m calling you to love before anything else.”
The Lord hears me. He cares and He loves me. I am growing in my identity of fearless love. Throughout my doubt and worry He still loves even me.
