You hear a common phrase from religious and non-religious people alike: “Lord willing [this will happen].” Some people say it as a cliche, not thinking much about the individual words. But for those of us who have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, this is a surrendering of their desires and plans to God’s ultimate will, or plan, for their lives.
Some people believe in fate, luck, karma, or hard work that determines what happens to them in their lives. But Christ followers have faith in a sovereign, all-powerful, loving God with a perfect plan.
Even after getting accepted on the Race, I continued to pray that God would continue to confirm that this is what He wanted me to do and that He would provide the funds and the equipment and the emotional support I would need. Because obviously God doesn’t leave us hanging when He calls us to do something for Him.
When I talked to friends and family about the World Race, I would say, “Lord willing, I’ll be going on the Race…Lord willing, I’ll be leaving in January…” because I didn’t want to promote MY plans, but GOD’S plans FOR me. I wanted to live in a state of surrender to God’s plan, and be okay with wherever God directs me. Anything could happen between now and January 2017. I don’t know the future.
But I realized something on a Sunday morning in April…
My “Lord willing” wasn’t a statement of surrender and trust anymore, but a statement of doubt.
The flip-side of trust is doubt. And my mentality had flipped. I didn’t realize that I was scared. I wasn’t putting my faith in God to what He had obviously called me to. I was putting my “faith” in myself and my circumstances and my doubt. I was believing lies that Satan was whispering to me in the back of my mind.
“You won’t be able to raise that much money” “No one wants to support you” “You aren’t a good enough planner to plan successful fundraisers” “This is too hard” “Your squadmates have already raised x amount…you’re so far behind, they’re working a lot harder than you, that’s why they’ve gotten more donations” ‘Your family isn’t even that supportive, they are doubting too, they’ll end up being right” “I’ll say Lord willing so if I don’t end up going, I can blame it on God and I won’t look like a fool”
When I realized this is what was going on in my heart, I was able to address the doubt with the Truth that God had already spoken to me. The fact that He had called me, and He equips the called with finances, support, miracles, and everything else I will ever need was reassuring. I still struggle with comparing myself to others, and self-doubt and self-criticism. But I thank God that He made me aware of the motive behind my words, and I have stopped saying it, to make sure that I don’t fall back into that mentality. I want to declare “LORD WILLING…I AM GOING ON THE WORLD RACE IN JANUARY” with LOVE for my Lord who has a perfect plan for my life that is SO much better than anything I have dreamt up for myself.
