I can imagine how hard it must be for anyone, not just missionaries, to maintain relationships back home with family and friends after moving abroad. As much as I love traveling, I am very loyal to my friends and family and don’t know what I would do if I had to leave them for an indefinite period of time. I have experienced the hardships of long-distance friendships and a dating relationship on the World Race the past year, and I want this blog to be helpful for people back home to be able to understand where “we” — as in, overseas missionaries — are coming from and what our experience is like abroad. I want to do my best to try and explain how to keep up relationships with a friend on the mission field.
Deciding to leave your home for an extended period of time is no easy task. One of the first things you recognize is that not only must you abandon your life, but you will be missing out on important things back home and in the lives of those you love, and you have to accept that. But then new things pop up, life continues on for friends and family back home, and it starts to get harder and harder to cope with being away and missing so many milestones. You never really get used to being away from those you love. Of course, we are also experiencing big changes in our lives out here on the field, too. The problem is, most people don’t actually ask us about it or even know how to approach a conversation with us anymore.
So, here are my tips for staying involved if you have a friend or family member on the mission field:
1. Follow their journey!
Trust me, I know it is difficult to truly commit to reading a person’s blog or newsletter faithfully (especially if they are pretty frequent or lengthy), but it is also our only way of keeping people back home involved in the different aspects of our lives. I talk about how I am feeling personally, what my day looks like, the people I meet, and the struggles I see. Because of our unique opportunity there is A LOT to cover, which means it will be really difficult to come home at the end of eleven months away and answer the question, “So, how was the trip?” From your end, this may seem like a simple, innocent question, but for us that is a loaded question of massive proportions. This is more than a trip, it is our life, it is what we live, breathe, eat, and sleep every single day. You could never answer what your past year looked like in the course of a small talk conversation, or a lengthy conversation, or even a week of conversations, so please, don’t expect us to. It will take a long time for us to process the full depth of what this year held, and we need supporters like you to lend a listening ear as we unpack it all. You are vital in this whole process, so please keep pursuing us just as you would if we were on U.S. soil.
We take time and effort to share our personal stories so that when we get home, people already have a solid base of what our experiences were and we don’t have to try and answer with a vague description of what 11 months abroad felt like.
2. Keep up communication with them!
Yes, we are supposed to stay focused and present on what is happening around us on the field, but at this point Race life just feels normal to us. We are waking up, working, and doing what has become our normal routine just like people back home do; our routine just looks a little different than yours and is in a new country each month. That doesn’t mean it is any more or less important or that we don’t want to hear or don’t care about what is happening back home just as much as we hope you care about what is happening to us over here.
I miss hearing the random events of a person’s day or funny stories that happened at work, no matter how small they may seem in your own opinion. It helps me feel normal and still connected back home to know that someone cares enough to share those things with me. Just like it will be difficult for me to answer what happened over the course of eleven months, it will be just as difficult for you to answer when I ask. So keeping up with each other, even if it is just a monthly update, will help both people feel included in the other’s life even while separated. It will also help a lot when we return home to be able to know what has been going on in your life since the last time we’ve seen you!
3. Understand every conversation doesn’t have to be focused on what God is doing in your life.
Yes, we are missionaries by title and our daily focus is serving God and others, and growing in our faith, but that doesn’t make us any different than people back home. In all honesty, every single person is called to live missionally regardless of what your job title is or where you live. We aren’t as different as people think.
Living on the field truly does become normal after awhile and we enjoy having normal conversations just as much as people back home. We don’t always sit around in circles and pray or talk about Jesus 24/7! We still like to laugh, watch Gilmore Girls, and hear about the small things that happened in the lives of those we love that made you smile or cry in a given day. To be honest, sometimes when we call people back home we are craving a break from talking about heavy things for once, and instead just want to hear about your “mundane” day. It’s these conversations that keep us grounded and light up our hearts, even if to you they might seem unimportant compared our stories to life on the field. (Trust me, they’re not.)
Long story short, please just treat us the same as if we were still living back in the States, except instead of meeting up in person all the time, we meet up through blogs, updates or occasional video calls! Life is hard when you feel like everyone back home is moving on without you, treating us like we are still a part of the changes can help more than you know.
Also, I owe a big shout-out to my friends and family who take the time and effort– despite the time difference and busy schedules– to reach out, whether its an email or a blog comment. You have no idea how much it means to be thought of!
*Original post by Lindsey Welch
**Also, credit to Danielle Farina
