Man. Our God is SOO good!
(Every time I say that, this song plays in my head. It was my ringtone in South Africa…and on repeat ALWAYS with Julius.)
The past few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind, emotionally. Lots of highs and lows and a lot of the space in between have brought me back to the feet of my Savior, drinking again from His fountain of life and resting in His peace. I am joyful to be walking in a new sense of freedom and with a renewed sense of purpose, a freshness in this season.
What I've been up to lately…buying gear (Photo credit: Rachel Martin) and Disney with my sweet sisters!
So, God has laid it on my heart that a huge part of preparing for this trip is laying down my ugly pride monster, daily, and being vulnerable and open with my heart. Through the love of my Savior and dear friends in my life, I am learning to walk in the freedom of opening my heart and allowing my flaws to be exposed and my fears revealed so that Christ's perfect power may rest in me.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. [2 Cor 12:9]
Taken straight from my journal from April 28, 2011…
Oh God.
I am terrified and nervous and anxious and I commit all of it into Your worthy hands, Giver of Life.
It's out of my control – money, time, seeing Rebecca before I leave, departure day, all of it is all up to You.
I choose doubt over trust, fear over peace, worry over calm again and again. Why?!
In abundance, You have said, there will be JOY. There is joy in the laying down, there will be joy in the letting go, there will be joy in the giving up of my rights.
There will be JOY.
Today, Abba, TODAY I will choose YOU.
I will choose YOU because YOU chose me FIRST.
YOU loved me first.
Today, I lay myself down. again.
Today, I release my grip on things I cannot control and feel the blood rush back into my white-knuckled, clenched fists.
Today I will open up my heart and let LOVE lead.
Today I will remember.
I remember Calvary. I remember the sacrifice. I remember the blood spilled so that I can be called free in Christ.
I remember that it's not about me. It never has been and it never will be. And so, I am moved into action.
Prompted by the Holy Spirit inside me, I will love those around me. I will speak the life-giving name of JESUS over those near me and watch the release. I will lend a hand, even when it seems inconvenient, because it was inconvenient for You to stoop low for me, but You did it.
It was not convenient for Christ to die for me, but He DID it. He did it willingly.
He hung on that tree and He endured the wrath of a Holy God because of LOVE. Because of ME.
Jesus fought HELL for love. He won the victory so that justice would reign. He has RISEN for righteousness, that the perfect will of the Father may be completed in ME. His banner over me is LOVE.
Thank you, Lord, that you know me inside out and you choose to love me anyways. You see all of me, all my flaws and fears and failures and You see Christ in me anyways. I don't understand it, I don't understand grace, but I am SO thankful for it. SO, so thankful, Abba.
AMEN.
