Who among you fears the Lord
and obeys the voice of His servant,
who walks in darkness and has no light,
yet trusts in the name of the Lord
and relies upon his God? – Isaiah 50:10
God is who He says He is and does what He says He will do. He writes His promises in stone because they are forever. No matter what happens in my tiny little snapshot, God can see the WHOLE picture from beginning to end.
It’s hard to find the words to describe what I’ve learned and where I’ve been in the past few weeks. I was feeling anxious about the Race even though I KNOW that I heard the Lord speak “September World Race” into my heart. I began doubting my calling and allowing fears, insecurities, and anxiety to swell up into my heart. I was feeling lost, dry, and disconnected from God and I didn’t know how to fix it.
About one week into this dry spell, I visited a dear friend in Seattle, WA. My anxiousness was peaking and I didn’t know how to verbalize it, but Jesus, as always, came to my rescue. In the midst of laughing and being loved on, I had a morning all to myself in a coffee shop with my bible, journal, and Reckless Faith by Beth Guckenberger. My heart resonated with Beth’s words:
Reckless faith isn’t fake. It doesn’t pretend. It feels deeply and lives fully.
It asks questions and cries out and tests boundaries.
It has dynamic conversations with God. It molds its understanding as it encounters new situations and experiences new growth.
“God has a plan” is not a cliche or a band-aid you put on open wounds.
GOD HAS A PLAN is a mantra for a way of life that says you don’t have to have all the answers to proceed. You can throw yourself toward the Red Sea and believe if it parts, praise God! You knew it!
How does it open? Why does it open now when it didn’t earlier? Why did it close on the Egyptians? To these questions you apply a faith that acts first and thinks second.
NOT in mindless obedience but with child-like faith.
The Lord God is SO faithful. I can’t say it enough. My time in Seattle was good for my heart and jump started the revitalizing of my spirit. God used some mighty women of His name to speak truth into me and call out the things that were holding me back. I hadn’t realized how me-centered I had become and how I was striving to figure out what I could DO for God. ALL He was asking of me? To BE. To be STILL and let HIM do the leading. To rest in Him and delight my heart in Him.
O me of little faith, WHEN will I learn?
Be STILL and KNOW that I AM GOD;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth. [Psalm 46:10]
How freeing to be reminded that it is NOT up to me! I was so consumed with worry – worry that I would make a wrong decision, worry that I would miss God’s leading, worry that I was trying too hard (which is funny, because I was) – worry that I was doing something wrong or walking in some kind of disobedience. I prayed about changing races because I was scared of what the future held. I was walking in fear, not the victory that has already been won for me.
Praise the LORD that His word is full of fresh, living TRUTH to overcome! After a season of a “spiritual night” and discomfort and unrest that brought me to my knees, I am now walking in liberation and joy and HOPE! And still on my knees in praise and thanksgiving for our God who was and is and is to come, our glorious hope.
Glorious hope.
Hope that God is SO much BIGGER and HOLIER than anything my little mind can imagine.
Hope that God is NOT finished with me yet.
Hope that greater things are yet to come.
World, get ready. The September 2011 squad of Jesus loving kingdom bringers is COMING.
