There is a place on Love Lane where the least, last, lost can come to feel loved. They are greeted with a smile and a warm meal. Bible study and worship, if they choose. A clean, safe place to nap, shower or just fellowship. I have spent the month of May serving at the Kawan drop-in center for the homeless in Georgetown, Penang. Monday, Wednesday and Friday during the day you can find a group of World Racers preparing and serving breakfast and lunch, and trying our best to get to know the 80+ faces that come through each day the center is open. Kawan means ‘friend’ in Malay. We have made several kawans the past few weeks. The strongest connection I made was on our first day of volunteering, and now I will be leaving Malaysia with a dear friend and sister in Christ.
Kaya is from Slovenia. She is not homeless, but a Wednesday volunteer. I sought her out our first day because she was wearing a bright red t-shirt I was drawn to. It had Kawan’s logo on the front and ‘Penang, Malaysia’ on the back. After discovering the shirts were out of print and I could not go home with one, conversation shifted quickly to sharing our stories. This is the part where the Holy Spirit steps in and takes it from here…
I was amazed at how quickly Kaya opened up to me. She looked tired, weary, but strong. I wanted to know her. She came to Penang seven years ago as a backpacker passing through. After falling in love with a local, she remained for some time with him, and in the process became riddled with an illness she is still fighting. Seven years of an intense sickness that multiple doctors have not been able to diagnose, 33 different symptoms that lead to stretches of days where she can not eat, depression, isolation – Kaya is a fighter.
Talk of where she came from and why she is still here shortly transitioned in to scars from her past and not feeling like she was worthy/capable of relating to the ‘white girls’, as she refers to the American missionary girls that pass through. I just sat and listened for a while, and allowed the Holy Spirit to bring my heart into alignment with Kaya’s. The more I listened, the more I realized my heart has matching scars. Though our past experiences differ, the same scars show up in both our lives.
As I listened to Kaya talk about battling feelings and lies of unworthiness, loneliness, a spirit of rejection, being used and discarded by men in the past, I sat across from her on a stool in the overheated kitchen where lunch was being prepared, my eyes brimming with tears. Any of my teammates will tell you I’m not an emotional person, most of the time it’s hard to get a reaction out of me, but I identified so well with what Kaya was choosing to trust me with, it was as if my heart was jumping up through my throat and screaming, ‘AH! AH! ME TOO! ME TOO!’ Someone that feels what I’ve felt, and is still working through it.
I took advantage of a pause in her story to share my testimony with her. Her eyes grew wider with each proclamation that it took Christ a few decades of chasing me through my sins to pin me down with his love. That I too, chose instant gratifications – partying, boys, convenience – over the lifestyle of a godly woman. We cried together when I tried to explain to her something she was just as familiar with – that no matter how hard I tried to fill myself with what I chose to find meaning in, the hole in my heart just grew deeper and wider.
The best part about getting to know Kaya is seeing her heart for Jesus. She came to know Christ about two years ago through volunteering at Kawan. She has been through some things. Some of the stories that came from this beautiful, strong woman left me horrified, yet marveling that she accepts her past, all of it, and even though I’ve watched her struggle daily, she still keeps her eyes fixed on the Author and Perfector of her faith, believing He is healing her more and more with each passing day. She has some pretty incredible stories of traveling the world, hearing Jesus speak to her for the first time during a Rainbow Gathering, and the confusion she sometimes battles trying to understand what we call Christianity.
Within the first hour of meeting, we were both convinced God had orchestrated our lives to cross paths. Kaya told me I was the first ‘white girl’ she had trusted to talk to, and she believes God brought me to her to continue her healing process. We have had an inspiring, but all too short month together. I was able to attend her church, worship, share meals and glorify God with her. I have found joy and humor in the fact that our ministry this month is located on Love Lane.
