God is on the move, and I’m trying my best to keep up, which ironically makes it hard to carve out time to reflect! Future posts will include updates on my support status and reflections on our tentative route. I highly encourage y’all to subscribe for update alerts, the link to which is on the left side (listed as “stay posted”)…
continued from “Straddling: Then and Now (Part I)“. Sorry it’s so long overdue!
I had enlisted prayer support. I had journaled. I “prayed” and by that I mean as I thought through it, I directed my thoughts to God. Surely it was a godsend that it only took a week from the time I dropped my resume to get an offer…wasn’t it?
There were perks here and there, and I was learning a lot. But the drawbacks outweighed the benefits. It took longer to get to work. I didn’t get paid overtime. There were too many administrative hoops to jump through. I found myself simultaneously overwhelmed and underestimated by the work I was given and the nature of government relations.
I came to the disappointing conclusion that studying political science didn’t necessarily make me politically savvy. At best, I was slightly more politically aware than the average American, but that isn’t saying much (even in an election year). I initially thought becoming politically sophisticated in the corporate arena would later be beneficial when I go onto advocacy in the public/non-profit arena.
Yet as tenacious and idealistic I can be, I wasn’t sure I could hold out for year to gain that kind of experience; I doubted that the cost was worth the benefits. So instead of setting goals for the year with my boss during my 30-day review, I resigned and gave what turned out to be my 3 months’ notice. I entered her office nerve-wracked and trembling and by God’s grace, left with a lightness in my spirit, as if the burdens and shadows had been lifted.
During that meeting, I confessed that I was overwhelmed, intimidated, and sad that the reality of the work I was doing didn’t match the expectations I had. She appreciated my honesty and assured me that I was being too hard on myself. Getting accustomed to the job would take some time and it would take a little longer to really excel at it — say, two years.
That’s when I realized I was not gonna have my proverbial cake and eat it too. My plan to beef up my resume before I went off to see the world and serve the Lord while figuring out the next step. The more I reflect in retrospect, I see how God was not going to let me treat the World Race or the call to overseas missions (in general, for however long) as another notch on my spiritual belt or a boon to my evolving career path.
God was amazingly gracious despite all this. He could’ve simply let me leave this job with my professional tail between my legs, but He didn’t. It was so strange how my 30-day review/resignation was such a watershed moment. With the burden to succeed off my shoulders and the pressure to be ambitious (whether or not it existed, I certainly perceived it) released, I was free to just do my job.
And that’s not all. My boss told me that the department head asked her if there was any way to convince me to stay; this surprised me as I hardly sensed that I he thought anything of me, if anything at all. To top that off, during the final few weeks, my boss offered to keep the door open and invited me to ask her to open doors for me. I don’t know if that offer still stands, or if they even remember me anymore, but such favor could only have come from God.
Even though my resume has been ruined, God has plans to prosper and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. As I step ever closer to the start of the World Race, I see more clearly just how radically different God’s idea of prosperity and harm is from my own. I blame the World Race for laying to waste my best laid plans; and thanks be to God for that!
