…so yeah. feeling torn apart, not just between northern virginia (nova) and northern georgia but also with new york. i spent thanksgiving week at home and coming back to nova was funky. i hadn’t changed time zones yet felt like i crossed back and forth between two worlds.
i have received and am receiving the promise of gaining more family as i pursue and advance kingdom… but i guess around the holidays, i get wistful for my biological family and realize i should be investing more into them, too…
then there are the stories i share as a mobilizer. you’ve noticed, i think, the a couple of my recent blogs have dealt with human trafficking happening here in the states. in short, that sucks.aim has been caring for the orphans in swaziland, where aids is decimating the population to the extent that the nation may cease to exist by 2025. and that’s why we’re there — because we don’t believe that’s the destiny God has intended for this country. it breaks my heart to read our missionaries’ stories – of the lack of resources jeopardizing our outreach and ministry, of the need, of the sorrow…
i read stuff like that and i just want to say, “forget this; get me on a plane NOW!” or i’ll seriously consider playing the lottery so i won’t have to raise support and so i can give it away (after paying off mom’s mortgage, and bidding good riddance to my loans and debt) .
then throw in a measure of guilt with the tension. because oddly enough, as much as i love aim (i heart this community a LOT)…my feelings have simmered down some. last year, i would get tingly at the thought of being in GA; this year, i don’t anticipate my visits with quite the same fervor.
call me selfish, but sometimes i just wish the aim office would move to the dc area. i want it all. i want them here, so i don’t have to go down there.
i get caught in this zero-sum mentality, that being passionate for one community happens at the expense of my affections for another. quickly i have to remind myself that this is not God’s heart and that game theory doesn’t apply to His love for us.
then one sunday at odpc in october – after returning from a visit to ga (my test drive of what it’d be like to work at hq) – an insert in the bulletin grabbed my attention. the insert was an announcement that our congregation was accepting nominations for deacons. there was an explanation of what exactly a deacon(ness) per the Bible, the two types of deacons and their role, et al.
as i’m reading through this, my heart jumped; in that instant, i got the sense that this was for me. i was pretty sure that was from God. but i scribbled to God in my journal, “is being a deacon how you want me to serve?” and left it at that…
(to be continued…)
