Training camp.
What a blur.
My squadmates have done a tremendous job of expressing some of the highs and lows of training camp. (A few examples – Meredith, Abby, and Nicole)
While I'd love to give a day-by-day detailed account, I know in my heart of hearts I could never do the experience justice with words. I've very much enjoyed recounting our nights on the bus, in the swamp, in the community tents – our week with few showers, many dance parties, and little food – to my friends and family here at home. While these exercises did well to give us a foretaste of what's the come next year, on this side of that week in Georgia I think of only two things: a softened heart and new family.
For years I longed for a community and faith-family to call my own; a place to be myself for the first time and a group with whom I could be completely vulnerable, free of the fear of being manipulated or mistreated. My gracious Father has given me two such families in just over a year.
I had become very accustomed to plastic church, pasting on a smile and saying all was well in order to avoid being ridiculed or mocked for my struggles, all while my heart grew harder and the walls of protection became taller. Then last August, He brought me to Mid-City Fellowship (now merged with The Trail) – a place where I was immediately accepted, loved on, and made a part of the family before they even knew me fully. They provided me a safe place to share, to heal, and to simply be myself.
I realized a few weeks before heading to Georgia, however, that the healing process that began last fall was not quite complete. I was still harboring bitterness and my heart, though in better condition than when I first came to Mid-City, was still rather cold.
Enter N-Squad, the newest additions to my faith-family. From the moment we arrived at camp, we were a team. Some folks rallied around me to help me figure out how to set up my tent (which I'd only set up once before a couple days prior in my living room…). We all greeted one another with the normal questions: what's your name, where are you from, and what do you do for a living. We compared notes on music and quickly grew to love Eric's jammy-pack (a fanny-pack with speakers built in).
During our first experience worshiping together, my oft-uttered prayer, "God, please soften my heart. Break me. Mold me. Heal me." was being raised. Even then, I could sense Him knitting our squad together as we sang of His glory, the power of His name, the way He makes beautiful things out of us, and how our hearts would sing no other name but the name of Jesus. Though we arrived as individuals, we quickly became family.
One night as we were singing, one of the leaders began to pray over me, simply placing her gentle hand on my back. Though there was a chill in the air that evening, a warmth began to fill me from the inside out. The Holy Spirit began filling me with an assurance of His presence, reminding me that I was a beloved daughter, fully loved and made new through Christ. My Comforter that had been promised by my Savior was healing me.
John 14:15-17,26
He is faithful and answered my prayers. He broke the cycle of bitterness within me, bringing me to a place where I was able to forgive and further heal; I was able to grieve the losses of that past situation – a loss of trust, of people I had thought were friends, of what should have been a safe environment.
Hebrews 10:23
And in place of those losses, He gave me more than I'd ever thought possible.
N-Squad, I could not love you guys more! Nor could I be more excited for the journey we are about to embark upon!
