Why does it seem to be that just when we think we have everything figured out, we realize how little we actually know? So many ideas that we have grown accustomed to in our lives, whether true or false, become our reality. Last week, I realized just how little I trust God.
For those of you who know me best, you know that I struggle with trust in general. I assume that most people will at some point leave, abandon, or “defriend” me and that’s just the way life goes. I’ve created this really unfortunate expectation and it’s transferred over into my walk with God.
This month, we have all been getting around on our cute little bicycles with the baskets on the front that, most of the time, is functioning; most of the time. It’s been fun to relive that part of my childhood. The kicker though is that we share a “bike” lane with other cyclists, pedestrians, taxis, motorbikes, and the occasional car or semi-truck that doesn’t care to stay in its lane on the already congested roads. One day we rented motorbikes. We were all returning home and for some reason two of my teammates took much longer than they should have. I kid you not, my first instinct was that they had driven off the bridge. In my head, it was the only logical explanation considering the craziness of the bridge traffic. I sat in the hotel lobby with the anxiety and fear that had been all too familiar. It was the same way I feel with my brothers’ safety. Here is yet another area I don’t trust. I don’t trust God with every detail of my life or my families’ lives and I sure don’t trust Him to be big enough than anywhere my mind could wander.
My teammates were more than ok and had simply driven around a little longer than the rest of us. So, why did I overreact? Why was I so convinced that God wasn’t protecting them? Or, if they had been killed, why didn’t I think of Heaven being the place that they would get to experience?
This week I started reading Job. Ironic I know. In the very first chapter, verse 12 says,
The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then everything he has is in your hands BUT on the man himself do not lay a finger.”
God is ultimately in control of everything, especially when it comes to what Satan can and cannot do. If I truly believe that then why do I still have those intense moments of fear? Why can I still not grasp the concept of God’s protection? Why do I still clench my fists around the things that He tells me to release? Our team had prayer and worship this morning and I felt God asking me to write down words to describe Him. I started with sovereign, comforter and protector, sustainer, peace, compassionate, TRUSTWORTHY, love, beautiful, merciful, willing, just, generous, shepherd, perfect, and the list extended down almost covering my journal page. At the very end He whispered…
If it has been promised that I AM ALL of those things, then TRUST me.
It’s that simple. It truly is, in fact, that simple.
