If you've ever meet Dr. Choudhury you'd know she can be a little much to handle, but she is one of the sweetest and most sincere person I've ever known. Here at the clinic she is the most soft spoken but to the point doctor and she rarely ever stops because her mind goes about 100 mph. Today, I experienced what I'm sure will be a once in a life time thing, Dr. Choudhury stopped! She stopped for about 30 seconds just to ask if I was really leaving for a year. She looked me in the eyes and with the most sincere, heartfelt and soft spoken tone of voice told me "please don't leave us." I am officially an emotional wreck, again!
My heart is in a million pieces and as the days pass I find more and more people asking me not to leave them. Just this Sunday I had an emotional conversation with my youth group. I tried to explain between the tears, sobbing and wave of emotions why I needed to go. Later that night I sat with my mom in our dining room and had yet another emotional conversation where we discussed all the things I didn't know I was causing my mom, mostly all her worries. One conversation after the other:
"Don't leave!"
"What about us?"
"Who will I talk to when you’re gone?"
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! My heart can't take this any longer!
I am in tears every other day and all I do is comfort people left and right. As emotional as this seems and even with all my break downs and tears I am two months away from launch, there’s no turning back.
Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it… is suddenly on replay in my head. Yes this is what I wished for two and a half months ago when I fell to the ground one afternoon and begged God to please let me do this. God never promised this would be easy but He did promises He’d be with me as I ride this rollercoaster called life. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a life event as huge as this one, but as the days and conversations pass I am constantly convicted that this is where God is calling me to be.
I know the road ahead of me might not be any easier but oh God how I want this! Most things in life worth fighting for are not easy, I know that now. I hope that later in life I can look back smile and thank God for taking me on this rough journey. Don’t be discouraged by what others may say to you or think of you… all you need is one YES from God and the rest is in God’s hands.
