Albania has been very different compared to the previous 5 countries I have been to… it’s colder, obviously the language, more manual labor involved, less people around to talk to, less buildings, a little more complicated currency conversion… but there are some highlights of this month that have really made an impact on me. More than any other I’d say. I’ve had some great opportunities to minister to some people here, but the one word that comes to mind that has made this month unique above all others is this… Refining.
One thing is that I’ve been becoming more aware of my struggles and things I didn’t even know were a struggle or hindrance.
- Thoughts often come to mind that lead me into deep thought and even rabbit holes that cause me to waste time and keep me from being more present. I’d say 90% of the time they are thought/ideas that are absolutely useless and sometimes have no basis in reality at all and are meaningless when I really think about it. Often it is me trying to figure out something when really it’s something only God can reveal (if He even wants me to know). So now I am working on discerning my thoughts and bringing them into captivity, picking and choosing which thoughts to hold onto and pursue. It’s hard, but it’s also been possible.
- STILL learning to be content with/in Jesus alone, and STILL learning to enter and STAY in the rest of God daily (mentally/spiritually)
- A long time struggle for me on this journey was having a sense belonging on this particular squad of people. Everyone is 5-13 years younger than me, and there are over 30 girls and only 2 other guys. But this month the Lord revealed to me that there is a difference between belonging and fitting in (which was actually the real struggle and not the belonging itself) This has influenced and confirmed to me more than ever that abiding in the Lord, being myself, and living for Him and being content in Him alone is what I need to do – not just to fulfill my purpose in belonging here but for the rest of my life on this earth, this temporary home/dwelling place. This has been lifelong struggle now that I think about it, but the Lord reminded me that it’s not about fitting in… it’s about standing out and being all that He intended. The belonging is already and always there.
- Another thing I’ve realized last month and going into this month is that I need to be more willing to join in others conversations – even if I can’t relate, even if they don’t make sense, even if my mind tells me it’s “private“ when it’s really not. I’ve also been challenged to take more initiative in different things, which honestly was a huge blessing for me to hear… I don’t think anyone had ever told me that before. I felt like it kind of gave me an inner “green light” in a sense. So these are two things that I am and want to continue working on. Though these things are like 2nd nature to some people, to me it’s not. So I am very glad the Lord brought these things to my attention now 🙂
Another thing about this month is the manual labor we have been doing.
- It had been a good while since I’ve done so much physical work. I used to do a lot of warehouse work, but that ended around 4 years ago. We had the farm life this month. We ate, worked, break, worked, break, ate, worked, break, ate, slept. We shoveled out and wheel barreled large amounts of animal poop everyday, washing and coating walls and wood multiple times, trimming plants and trees, etc. I’ve haven’t been so tired in a long time, but I’ve also found that I’ve never slept better either 🙂 It almost makes me want to get back into doing manual labor as a job again when I get back into the states. Whether my back and knees can actually handle it for more than a month i don’t know…
One more thing I’ve been reminded and thought about is why I’m on this trip (rather, why God has me here)
– It’s not only to have a space to learn about God and myself and serve others and further His kingdom in these parts of the world, but also to grow enough to survive and thrive and be more of a light when I get back into the states. As we were told in the beginning, it’s not JUST about these 11 months… it’s about the rest of our lives.
Thank You, to all of you who have helped me become fully funded for this missions trip and to those of you who have continued to help me with monthly personal needs (clothes, hygiene products, etc). If you would like to help and support me in this way, please comment on this blog 🙂 God bless you all and please pray for me. I am excited for these next coming months knowing what I need to work on and applying these things 😀 In a few days we will be in Serbia… We are half way done. May this 2nd half be more blessed than the first!
