I was standing at a fork in the road.
Wrestling with a decision is not fun; my last couple of decisions have led me to nothing but dead-ends and failure, and it made me even more anxious about choosing the “right” path.
Being the indecisive person that I am, I often find myself asking God to show me what He wants me to do.
“God, just tell me what you want me to do, show me the steps, give me clarity.”
Silence.
The “clarity prayer” has been a companion of mine for most of my life. And even more so the past 2-3 years, I had been in a constant pursuit of clarity. Clarity for why things happened the way it did, clarity with my future, clarity in my decision to go on the World Race or not.
I was reminded of a story recently that spoke to me and my relentless pursuit of clarity.
The famous ethicist, John Kavanaugh, went to Calcutta, India for 3 months where he worked at “the House of Dying” to figure out how best he could spend the rest of his life.
When he went to Mother Teresa, he asked her to pray for him.
“What do you want me to pray for?” she replied.
He answered, “Clarity: Pray that I have clarity.”
“No,” Mother Teresa answered firmly, “I will not do that.”
When he asked her why, she said “Clarity is that last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.”
Taken aback, he said, “But you seem to have clarity from God.”
Mother Teresa laughed and said: “I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”
The road we walk is difficult at times and it’s not easy. Although clarity is something God blesses us with at times, I’ve come to realize that my pursuit for clarity took my focus away from God. Looking at the root desire of my prayers, I can now see that I was just using God to gain control so I could feel more comfortable and safe instead of just relying on God. Through the silence, I’ve learned that to really trust God is to let go and risk everything. You then begin to realize that he is more than enough.
This story has encouraged me to not always pray to God for clarity or answers, but rather to cling to Him because He is the answer. If you guys are struggling with making decisions or understanding why things are happening the way they are, I pray that you would trust God.
I still don’t have all my answers and, even with my decision to go on the World Race, I don’t have a clear picture of what I am walking into. I will, however, continue to lean and trust in Him daily.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. – Proverbs 3:5
