Yes, I will finish the race God has marked out for me, but it will not be The World Race. I will not be returning to my squad overseas nor any other World Race squad at this time.
I will never understand why my Dad had to die. And I can’t give you a clear reason why God planned for him to die during the 11 months that I was to be serving the Lord overseas. I can’t give you a clear reason why God only allowed me four months to bind up the brokenhearted and bestow on them crowns of beauty in Asia. I can’t give you a clear reason why my Dad didn’t have a Will or why things continually went wrong and delayed the probate process. And I definitely can’t give you a clear reason why God rerouted my race to Macon, Georgia.
As a child, one of the things I looked forward to about Heaven was the idea of being able to sit at the foot of the thrown and ask God all of the ‘why’s’ of life. “Why did you choose blue for the color of the sky? Why didn’t you create humans to fly? Why do we all have to die?” I have such a deep hunger for knowing the heart of God and why He does the things that He does. My childish curiosity has become my greatest struggle in life, the unknown, which goes right along with my natural lack of patience.
During the past few months, I have experienced nothing but the unknown. My greatest fears, struggles, and weaknesses have all been put to the test. God has demanded my patience and I have been searching my soul for every ounce of patience that He has enabled me with. At times, the unknown has almost been more than I could stand. But I have been learning to put all of my trust in God, because as He promised, God will never give us more than His power in us is able to overcome through us (1 Cor. 10:13). Also, I find peace in knowing that His thoughts and ways are much higher than my own (Isaiah 55:8) and that I don’t always need to have all the answers.
I still believe that God took my Dad during this time in my life for a very particular reason and that His plans for my family and me are for goodness and mercy. However, in this life, I will never know all of the “why’s” and there will always be unknowns. But what I do know is that God called me to go on the race in a time in my life when so much was at risk, and I went. And then He called home, far sooner that I thought was the plan, and I came back. And now, He has me here for the time being, so here I am.
I don’t know what the next step for me is. Shocking, right? But like the parable of the Ten Virgins in Matthew 25, all I can do is trustfully allow God to prepare me, grow me, and draw me closer to Him while I wait on his timing.
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SPECIAL THANKS to each and every one of you who has followed along with me through this rocky journey. Thank you for reading, praying, financially supporting, and for sharing your heart for the Lord with me. I have been continually blessed by the support that each of you have offered me in different ways. I pray that you will be blessed all the more because of the ways you have blessed me.
