Through out the week Alan came around more frequently and stayed with us longer. The first night that he ate dinner with us when we prayed for the food he walked away from the table during the blessing. During an all day outing an opportunity presented itself and I talked to Alan about Spiritual Instincts and how we each experience God in individual ways. Instead of turning down the conversation, Alan was interested and even asked questions. Stephanie, Vallory, and I were able to explain to him how we personally experience God and got to share with him the moment in our lives that we truly began walking with The Lord. Every day my team has team time and one night he asked if he could join our team time! We began that team time with prayer and worship through music as Laura led us on her guitar. During our time of singing tears were streaming down Alan’s face. He told me that he would like to share with me later about what he was feeling. Laura told him something that God was laying on her heart for him and shared that God’s presence was in the room with us. Alan said that he knew and could feel that He was. Alan stated that during worship his nightly headache for a moment was relieved. After our team time ended his headache came back in full force.
A few days later Laura and I sat down with Alan for a while at the coffee shop. He told us that after the night of singing with us he felt as though he no longer wanted to walk in shame. He didn’t automatically realize his need for God or automatically want to pray the prayer of salvation, but he felt a desire for change. We talked to Alan for hours that night about many different topics. We shared with him steps to freedom and forgiveness. Every chance Alan had he kept telling us again about the people in his life that caused him pain, the feelings of anger he felt, and the feelings of being trapped. He has been repeatedly told by people that he is a failure, pathetic, and unworthy. He explained that at times he feels like these characteristics are true. Later Laura and I found out that at that same moment we both prayed that God would take out the metaphoric earplugs in his ears and take down the walls around his heart so that he could hear just for a moment the truths that we were speaking into his life.
At the coffee shop Laura shared her story with Alan. She could relate with several aspects of his life. She began sharing the gospel with him through an analogy of a courtroom. Laura said that in this picture she could see her life was on trial and that because of all her sins she was about to be sentenced to death. But before the judge could slam down the gavel Christ stepped in and died for her which paid the penalty for her death so that she can have life through Him. By the end of our lengthy conversation at the coffee shop Alan said he has been pondering the courtroom scene.
Through out the conversation at the coffee shop I jotted down on a piece of paper key words of lies that Alan continued to speak about himself such as being a failure, pathetic, and worthless. I also began writing down words of hope that he mentioned like wanting to make a difference in the world and wanting to become extraordinary. With this list I wrote on one side:
LIES
I am not pathetic.
I am not a failure.
I am not dark and twisted.
I am not a burden.
And the list continued…
The backside read:
TRUTHS
I am worthy to be loved.
I am the person I was meant to be.
I am here for a reason.
I am already an extraordinary person…
I am worth receiving an unconditional love that only God can give.
I only have to ask and say yes to Jesus.
I said to him, “I am going way out on a limb here, but would you mind reading this to me?” I didn’t actually expect him to read it. I thought he would take one look at it and say, “no thank you.” Not only did I not expect him to read it, but I did not anticipate the response. Alan began reading the side of the Lies and every line that he read he had a huge, confident smile on his face. It was evident that he knew in his heart that these were lies. When he began reading the side of truths his face shifted and his words wavered. The speed at which Alan was reading slowed down and I could tell that he was having a hard time reading them out loud. I didn’t think that he would read the last two lines about God and Jesus, but he did. Throughout all of my interactions with Alan I have not forced my opinions or Christianity on him. But I wanted to give him a tangible method that he could use if he should chose in the future to become a believer. To my surprise, Alan read the entire list. And the first thing he said was, “Thank you! Can I keep this?” He said that there was some sort of freeing feeling that he could not explain about saying those statements out loud. Then Alan said, “There is one statement that I disagreed with.” I thought, okay he is about to respectfully disagree with the line about God and Jesus. Instead he stated, “I don’t agree that I am already an extraordinary person.” I encouraged Alan to take the list home and challenge himself to look in the mirror and read it out loud to himself everyday and just see what would happen.
We gave Alan literature on the church that we are working for and asked him if he would be willing to go with us if we had a chance to go. He said that he would actually be interested in going. The fact that Alan said that he was interested and willing to go is just such a huge change from a week ago when he respectfully declined wanting to even listen to me talk about God. He left that night on a positive note with smiles and hugs.
A few days later Alan told us that he has one Christian friend and he would like to introduce us to her. Her name is Valerie and she is such an amazingly sweet girl! Valerie invited us to go to her church’s prayer meeting. Unfortunately, Alan was unable to go with us, but we were so blessed by attending her church and meeting her Christian friends! At another point in the week Alan actually went to church for the first time with Valerie when we were unable to go. Due to the language barrier, after the service Alan was left with an overload of questions about Christianity surrounded by confusion. We discussed his church experience and questions over coffee one last time before we left the city of Harbin.
We know that God has amazing plans of freedom and redemption for Alan. We know that God is more than capable of revealing Himself to Alan in a very real way and answering his deep and intellectual questions in regard to Christianity in His perfect time. We are confident that God has huge plans of goodness and love for Alan. I am humbled and excited that I have had the opportunity to know Alan and be a part of his journey.
**Special thanks to Alan for being brave and vulnerable enough to allow me to share his story with the world!… or with my small number of subscribers. I admire and am so thankful for his honesty and bravery! His story is powerful and I know its already impacting others. Thanks friend!!
