Oh hey guys long time no talk, yeah? Well, I really do apologize for the silence on my end and I’m finally sitting down to write my very last blog. It’s been 2 months since I left the race. Already?? Yeah, It went by so quick. I really needed some time to process everything before coming out and sharing what it was like. But now it’s been a while and I’m ready to tell y’all what’s been going on!
So this is the point of view:
You are a long term overseas missionary who has been out of the country for 7 months. Have not seen anybody you know previously in 7 months. Have not eaten American food in over 7 months. You are living with 30 other people who are about the same age as you. You’ve been through a lot. Challenges and adventures and growth. Ups and downs and Highs and Lows. So right about now you are living your best life in Middle-of-no-where Cambodia. You just got done eating your egg and rice and the sun is finally down, which means it’s bed time because they’re ain’t nothing else to do. You go to sleep and rest up for the next day of house visits and Khmer children’s classes. Ok, now its 24 hours later and you are at home petting your cat while drinking a chick-FL-a lemonade while also crying.
I mean, that’s a little exaggerated, but basically that’s how it went guys.
Ok, maybe it was a little different. We found out that squads were getting sent home, we were shocked and scared that we were gonna be next. And we were right. We received an email explaining that due to borders closing and the intensity of the Corona Virus outbreak, all teams were being pulled from the field as soon as possible. We received another email with our flight information in it. In 12 hours we would be in Singapore, and then Tokyo, then LA. Goodbyes were rushed. Things were not ideal at all. All of the sudden we were preparing to go to our real homes unexpectedly after so much time away. Usually racers get prepared for this weeks in advance. Learning about re-entry, starting to make plans for a home, processing the end of a season and preparing for a completely new one. This all happened to us within a matter of days. I was expecting it to be rough. I was upset, so sad, angry and in shock all at the same time. It was like I was having a dream about May 27th where the race was over and we were going home. But no, it was most definitely real and way sooner than anyone had planned. With all of these things in-front of me it seemed like “Leaving the race early” and “being home early” were two completely different things that I needed to process.
This is how that went:
It was peaceful. It was not upsetting. It was freeing in fact. I actually started processing with God on the way to Singapore. I opened the notes app and just started typing. I needed to get everything that was in my head out onto something tangible. I had absolutely no idea what my fingers were gonna start typing. And when they did, I wrote this:
3/18/20
And just as I left the United States with a willing spirit and excited attitude, I will return return home unexpectedly with the same mindset. I am willing and ready. I am ready because you say I am. I would have never chosen this on my own, but your plan is beyond my understanding. Even still in my questioning and doubt, my wondering and frustration, i know that your plan is perfectly crafted and created for my benefit. I feel like i am going on a brand new adventure, just as exciting as the last. I’m stepping into a new season, right on time. Because you are never early or late. And I know that your hand is over this entire thing. You have truly led me to places where I never thought I would be. You’ve shown me the world, and I thank you for that. I’ve loved seeing your glory in creation. From mountains to beaches to cities, you have led me this entire time. I am still your vessel no matter where I am. God of the mountain, you are still the same in the valley. How could I consider this as trouble when you are telling me that it is good. You are revealing to me the goodness within your plan; Allowing me to see it so that my heart is not heavy. Instead my heart rejoices is the good works that you are doing. You are bigger, stronger, and more powerful than I can comprehend. That is why you are the only one who I can put my trust in. My happiness doesn’t come from where I am in the world, who is with me, or what is in front of me. It comes from the freedom that you give me in Jesus. There’s no way that I will be a slave to worry. I won’t ask questions like “what’s gonna happen? What am I supposed to do now? What will I do without my community?” Your name is above it all. You died so that I wouldn’t have to die to my worry. Instead I can rejoice in the freedom of surrendering and trusting you in all things. Here I am, nailing all fear to the cross that you carried. Death has no sting. The “death” of my world race journey has no sting. You have prepared me for this. Whether I know it or not. You have taught me to rely on you. You have taught me to run to you. No one else understands how I feel. Even my squad mates have their own feelings and are processing this in different ways. And I love you because you know. You mourn with me and you rejoice with me. You understand all of us and all of our feelings. And you walk along side me, protecting me. Your power works best in weakness. Those who mourn are blessed with your comfort. When i am weak you show me your strength, lifting me up with a careful hand.
OK WHAT I was not expecting that. I really thought it was gonna be hard. I really thought that this was going to be my biggest obstacle yet. I was so wrong. I didn’t even feel myself when I wrote that, it was like something inside of me just came out and started proclaiming the truths that God had embedded in me this whole time. And I stood on that. It was my saving grace. Reading that, I realized how much I had grown spiritually. So, I never looked back. I took that and rejoiced in the freedom I had by surrendering. It was as if someone was holding my hand and walking me though it all. I was calm, trusting, and at peace. My coming home experience was nothing but good. I came home to a family that God had worked miracles in while I was away. Everything was new and good. I have never felt more at peace with anything in my life. God really said “Ok we are gonna go over here now” And I felt like a little toddler blinding following behind him, saying “Alriiigghhtt okaaayy!!” It was truly childlike, the way that I was able to surrender, put all of my eggs in his basket and follow him home. So here I am!
So if you’re glad that I’m doing just fine and that I’m ok, so am I! God really has lead me to such great places over this time. It’s been slow around here. Not doing much of anything really. It’s restful. And in two days, I will start a brand new season! I am working at Highland Lakes Camp this summer. Living out at the lake and serving the youth that will be attending. I am so excited for this opportunity. I thank each and everyone of you that has donated, prayed, bought something from me, or even just read my blogs and kept up with my journey. Your support is so appreciated. In the fall I will be home and starting college right here in Austin. Im excited to start a new chapter and to settle down for a bit. Traveling really tires one out. Im so thankful that I was able to do it though. I travelled 9/12 months during my 18th year. Now Im ready to be home. I was going to give some insight to my daily life in Cambodia and what I learned there (it was so fruitful and amazing), but I think that those memories will just be kept to myself for now for me to cherish and remember.
As always, thank you so much for checking in…
Sam
