What if we pictured God as our Defender and Provider each and every moment of the day. If we believed that he was fighting for us every second of every day, then we would live in a loving World with no doubt of God. Unfortunately we are human and are not perfect, so we fall short of this. To our dismay the Lord says otherwise. He says that he is our provider and defender.
During our last day of WR Launch I was feeling anxious about the year that was to come, the unknown, the ability to not be in control. It was as if I was doubting on whether or not I was meant to go on this year long trip. It hurt me to think this way or even doubt the Lord.
As I was sitting in a circle with my team, the director was encouraging us to give on another feedback. The kind of feedback that gives encouragement and pushes one another to be a better person. After awkwardly giggling through the feedback that we were giving to one another and wondering how we could give feedback to people we have only known for two months, I started to realize how awesome it was, to know that this feedback was given in love. Then there came the next challenge, to tell one another what we struggle with. It was a way to give feedback to ourselves and say it out loud. When it came to my turn I just started talking and listed out 3 things that I struggled with.
The first thing that popped out of my mouth was my nature to be the peacemaker. Meaning my reaction to want to bring people together and make people around me happy. Even when I am upset. And the second thing that I talked about was my defensiveness nature that I can have, the reaction to certain situations where I defend my heart. It is something that I have lived with for a very long time, the defensiveness that leads towards hurting others because I am trying to protect myself.
“Sam, the Lord kept putting this on my heart during training camp but I haven’t found the right time to say it. The Lord wants you to know that He is your Defender, he is your strength when you are weak. Let him be your Defender, and let us be the people you can come to with your heart.” This coming from my teammate Sarah, who I had only met a month and a half earlier. She stepped out in faith telling me this, showing me that God is my defender and will protect me. I am thankful for her, for her honesty and for her trust in the Lord.
“But the Lord is my defence; and my God is the rock of my refuge.” -Psalm 94:22
I am learning to let the Lord be my Defender.
