Soooo it’s month 2 y’all and we are on a YWAM base in Argentina! It’s ALL SQUAD month and that means 50 people sleeping in one place, 50 people eating together, 50 people sharing six showers and 50 people doing ministry.
It has been really cool transitioning into Month two with my whole squad rather than a team of seven. Not because I don’t love my team dearly, but because of what a bigger community brings. It brings a sense of joy to have sisters and brothers of Christ to share life with. It’s been an awesome experience to have so many different people together united in the same thing, the love of Jesus.
This month has been great, and it’s been fun talking with squad mates, playing sports together, worshipping together and just sharing our lives together. This first week of ministry as a squad and debrief have brought up a lot about the person I am today. God is showing me that I have this need to want to be friends with everyone, this need for attention. It’s like if I’m not hanging out with this group then I’m going to miss out and if I’m not sitting next to this person than I will miss out on something else. Its called FOMO (fear of missing out) and y’all it’s very real. It’s this constant battle between wanting to always be included but also taking time for myself to rest and spend time alone with the Lord.
Don’t get me wrong, hanging out with friends and wanting to get to know multiple people is awesome. I am an extrovert and I get my energy from people! But it can exhaust and take a toll on me when it becomes a consistent struggle between spending enough time with people and spending enough time alone. Community is key to this rollercoaster of a life. Yet it’s about the way I approach these situations. I find myself questioning if I want to truly hang out with that person or group of people or if I am just doing it because I am afraid of missing out. Or if I am hanging out with a group and I actually need to be alone.
These past two weeks have been a lot of identity seeking, who I am and who I want to be. I’m wondering if I am going to come back a completely new person after this year, or if who I have been for the past 22 years is really who I am. As my mind wanders, God continually stops me in my tracks. Not just once but time and time again, telling me that my identity lies within Him. My identity is defined by Christ. Not by who I think I am, not by who others say I am, not by who the world defines me as, it’s by who Christ says I am.
I don’t have everything figured out and I know I never will. Yet, today I know that I am defined by Christ. I will continue to struggle with insecurities, I will continue to have FOMO sometimes, but first God!
Now the question is, who do you find your identity in?
