“The World Race… what is that?” I get this question a lot, and when I tell people what it is their eyes widen and they are amazed. Yeah I know I feel that way too… my eyes widen and I’m like wait a second 11 countries with a backpack and a bunch of people I have never met before. Trusting God every step of the way? What am I doing? Shouldn’t I be working a 9-5 job like everybody else? What will I do after the Race? Will I be homesick? Will I miss out? Will I really grow further in my faith? Will God provide?
This morning I woke up feeling doubtful, I woke up wondering what I was doing and why I was doing it. I woke up struggling to embrace what God’s plan was for me. Sometimes there are times or days when I wonder why I make the decisions I make or why I chose to do the World Race. It’s a feeling of the unknown or not doing what you’re supposed to do. I believe that this age is hard to live in because a lot of the times we are afraid to tell people we are struggling (myself included). We hide behind the screen or the social media posts, showing people the best parts of our lives. Not showing those the biggest struggle of our days, not realizing that someone else, who could be our best friend is struggling with the same thing. I am trying something new, making myself vulnerable to others. And I am struggling today, with the anxiety of my upcoming trip and everything that it will entail. I am struggling with leaving my family and friends for a year. I am struggling with the anxiety about money. I am struggling that I am good enough to go on this trip. I am struggling to trust that God will provide.
No I am not going to give up, but today I am going to let myself feel scared and nervous about my trip and I’m not going to hide it.
I have grown up trying to be strong, I like to be the strong one in times of hardship. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment and power. I like to know that people can rely on me and that I can help them. But I’m learning that this doesn’t work all the time. I am learning that my strength comes from the Lord, that God gives me the strength to walk through this crazy, amazing journey of life.
Basically what I am trying to say is that it is okay for myself and you as well to struggle, to cry, to not be okay. That’s what life is about… the hills and the valleys, the ups and the downs. I encourage you to talk with me or someone else about what you’re struggling with. God gave us people to share this life with… not just to share the good but the bad too. Most importantly pray, pray, pray to God about your struggles, the good, the bad, anything. He hears us and wants to hear from us.
A devotional I was reading this morning literally was exactly what I needed… It said “Have you struggled to embrace what God wanted you to do?” It then went on to talk about the fears this man had when he was struggling with God’s plan. The writer of the devotional talked about how he felt like Moses when Moses refused God at first, yet God continued to pursue him and his heart. The devotional said that “In the end God’s greatest provision for Moses or my or your sense of inadequacy is simply and profoundly His presence with us. The answer to Moses persistent pattern of “I can’t” was not “Yes, you can Moses” but “I can, I will, I AM.”
WOW! It’s amazing how God shows himself to us and gives us what we need in times of hardship. Fear is real, but God is GREATER.
Today I am struggling and I’m okay with it, but tomorrow is in God’s hands. Today and everyday God is with us.
Much love to all!
