Ok, I’ll be the first to admit it. Last month was difficult.
Don’t get me wrong, Thailand was great. Ministry was amazing and our pastor and his family were so loving and wonderful. The food was delicious, and we got to live in a house with AC. This was all such a relief and came just in time for us to relax and recuperate after the first two months.
Honestly, it was me. I wasn’t completely loving or uplifting. I wasn’t focused on my ministry. Frankly, I didn’t want to be there. I was so completely focused on myself and my problems that I was having difficulties seeing past the end of my nose. I adopted a spirit of complacency. I took care of it like a little pet. I didn’t want to change; I was enjoying being lazy in my relationship with God and self-centered in my relationships with others. When others asked about what was wrong, I called it a “funk.” What an excuse.
Month three was difficult, and I only realized at the end of the month why.
All my life (well, most of it) I lived in a two-month pattern. For the longest time, I had a string of two-month relationships. I would date a boy for two months, then break up with him, be single for two months, then have another two-month fling. The same thing was occurring with jobs. I would keep a job for two months until I got bored with it. It has always been about excitement and finding the next thrill.
By month three, I thought I had the race figured out. I had lost my adventurous spirit towards the race and was ready to disengage. It was a pattern. Thank you, Jesus, for grace. Thank you, also, for a wake-up call. As soon as I realized that this is what was going on, I knew I had to take it to God. By His grace and mercy, I was placed into a difficult situation for month four.
I am currently living in a girl’s home with 15 girls, some of whom are Sri Lankan refugees. They eat, sleep, go to school, and practically do everything together. The four girls of my team are thrown into the middle of this and asked to adapt. These girls love us and need us to be present. I can’t be stuck on myself in the midst of girls who need help and love.
I want to live as if this were my last month on the race. As far as these little girls are concerned, it is my only month on the race. This is the only month that I will have – maybe ever – to affect their lives. It is the only month that is set apart to focus solely on them. They don’t care that I have seven more countries to minister to or 11 more months to go. They just care that I’m here now. They care that I’m present. I don’t have time to worry about where my energy is going to come from for the next seven months. I can rely on God to give me that. Right now I just need to worry about today. I need to live to make an impact for today.
