World Racers are called to leave many things. Comfort. Normality. Security. Pride. What you would have never thought of as pride.
I didn’t realize that I found pride in my hair.
You may have read my blog from a few months ago about dreading my hair. In that blog I mentioned about wanting to shave my hair. I was partly serious and partly joking. It is something that I thought I would like to do at some point in my life, but my hair had just gotten to the point that I really liked the length of it. So, I was leaning more towards the side of just letting it grow out rather than shaving it.
Well, around rolls India. It was hot. My hair added about 10 degrees to that heat. Almost unbearable, but not quite.
Then, comes Nepal. Sure, Nepal sounds like a country where we won’t have to deal with heat or humidity. After all, it’s in the Himalayas. Wrong. My team was sent south, only 20km away from the Indian border. It was even hotter in Nepal than it was in India for us. My hair was still adding 10 degrees to that heat. Unbearable.
It was to the point that I absolutely had to take a shower almost every day because I never stopped sweating. My hair became more of a hassle than it was worth. So, I took out the scissors from my first aid kit and hacked off about 4 inches. This was half way through the month of Nepal.
Once my team returned back to Kathmandu – a cooler part of Nepal – I decided I wanted to take off more. Even though it was cooler, I hated the length that I had cut it to. I felt ugly.
Josi has never cut hair before and asked if she could do it. I told her ok, go ahead and take off half an inch, then I’ll style it. (Side note: I’ve been cutting my own hair since I was about 13. I’ve also done friend’s and roommate’s hair. I also cut a few squad mates’ hair here on the race. I’m confident in my hair-cutting ability.) Well, instead of taking off half an inch, she took off about 5 inches. My hair was up to my chin. (Side note: Don’t let Josi cut your hair. Note to self: Don’t let Josi cut your hair ever again.) Oh well, what can you do? I’m planning on shaving it at this point anyway, so I didn’t mind.
At first, when I cut my hair, I hated it. I felt ugly. Josi cut it and it was even shorter. I felt even uglier. It was at that point that I finally realized how much beauty I found in my hair. It may sound silly, but it has really humbled me. I’ve had to abandon what I’ve unknowingly labeled as my personal earthly beauty.
It’s a difficult and exciting process. As soon as I realized it, I gave it up to God and asked him to forgive me of my pride. This body, this hair, is a gift from God. I need to thank Him for what He’s given me and remember that it’s fleeting.
I have made the decision to shave off my hair at the end of the month. God is breaking me of my pride and drawing me closer to Him. I am His child and I was made in His image. I am beautiful, not for what I look like to the world and not because I do or don’t measure up to the world’s standards, but because I am a child of God and he has transformed my life.
