…is a life that’s empty. If there’s anything I’ve been learning the last few weeks, this is it. Since being home from the Race, I’ve had my ups and downs. But recently, I don’t know, I’ve just felt empty. Being in America is… easy? Luxurious? Maybe a better word is safe. Or comfortable. And when you’re comfortable, you don’t really want or see a need to change.
This summer, I led six different Week of Hope camps in Cincinnati, Ohio. It was difficult, yes. But it was also not as challenging as I was expecting. I was physically and emotionally ecstatic to be there, but spiritually drained and depleting. It didn’t make sense. I had a wonderful community, was actively involved with a beautiful body of believers. I had the opportunity every day to pour into kids and see their lives change. But I still felt empty and alone. I missed the point of a summer of missions. Being completely connected to the Source.
I didn’t need Him like I did for the past year. I knew that I was going to (most likely) be safe wherever I went. I knew the food I was eating was (most likely) not going to cause me to get sick. I felt safe and protected in our booming haven called America. Why would I need to rely on anyone but myself? That’s where the disconnect began.
It was small at first. Not wanting to read my Bible or pray as often. But soon my programs were just me going through the motions. I felt too physically exhausted to go the extra mile in love. I stopped asking my Father for his provisions of strength and grace. Then I stopped relying on him completely. It’s a slippery slope. I’m now at the end of my summer of serving feeling spiritually starved and broken.
It was such a learning experience. I learned that I never want to forget who put the world into motion and who still watches over me, and who I call Father. I don’t want to do this on my own, and I realized this summer that I’m going to have to work harder here in America to not be self-sufficient. American culture is screaming at us from every direction to be perfect outwardly and forget about how you feel inside. That if you’re not busy, happy, and capable on your own, and always relying solely on yourself, you’re never going to make it. Media and culture want you to buy into the lie that image is everything. That weakness is failure. And gaining personal power is the end goal.
But if His power is made perfect in my weakness, why would I ever want power on my own? Why would I want to cover up my weaknesses rather than show them off so he can shine through them?
I’m going to fail. His grace abounds.
I’m going to succeed. His grace abounds.
I’m going to be weak. His grace abounds.
I’m going to be strong. His grace abounds.
I’m leaning on that grace and relying on His strong hands to lift me from a place of self-sufficiency and success to a place where He challenges me to look to Him. Because a life that’s easy is a life that’s empty. And I want to strive for the challenge.
