This week the Lord has been teaching me about hypocrisy. Not an easy topic to address, but thanks to His kindness and gentle spirit, it has been easy to buckle down and listen to what He has to say.
I first want to point out that I was a nonbeliever for much longer than I’ve been a believer. I have made some really poor decisions and have chosen to surround myself with some people that weren’t pouring into my life at all. But thanks to Jesus’ beautiful gift of grace, I am able to walk in the light rather than the dark.
That being said, the process of stepping out of my old self and into my new identity has been a rocky road these last two years. I didn’t really know what being a Christian looked like, and I allowed myself to find assurance in people rather than God himself.
I was teetering back and forth; one foot on earth and one foot in heaven, trying to find a balance between the two. I was talking the talk, but I wasn’t walking the walk.
I was telling people about the great things God was doing in my life but I wasn’t letting my actions or decisions reflect that. Essentially, I wasn’t giving Jesus the room to move in my life but wasn’t even recognizing it. Talk about living a life in constant conviction.
Then this week I watched Todd White’s testimony with my team (if you haven’t heard it I strongly encourage you to look it up). To sum it up quickly, Todd White had lived in a dark place for the majority of his life and partook in a lot of criminal activity. Then, during a drug deal, he was shot at multiple times and should have died in the crossfire.
At his lowest point, God intervened and told Todd it was time he started living for Him. Ever heard of such amazing grace?
Until six months after the encounter, like me, Todd made the decision to talk the talk rather than walk the walk. One hour he would be preaching about God to his non-believing best friend and the next hour he would turn around and go looking for more drugs to endure his next high.
He was living a life of complete hypocrisy.
After six months of his words and actions not matching up, the Lord lead him to a Christian rehab facility. Soon after his arrival he received notice that his best friend had a brain aneurism and wasn’t going to make it.
This quickly convicted Todd because he realized that he had been the only friend this guy had that believed in Jesus. He recognized that he let six months of opportunities pass where he could have been showing his friend the Lord, and now he wasn’t so sure where his friend’s soul was going to go.
So I’m sitting there, crying, as I listen to the heartbreak in his voice as he tells this story of his past, when all of a sudden it hits me that his story is just like mine.
I’m not a drug addict, and I’ve never been an angry or resentful person, but when I accepted Jesus’ gift my lifestyle didn’t really change. In general, I still did what I wanted to do and ignored when God called out to me.
Now I don’t want you to think that the Lord angrily brought this realization to the surface. He didn’t make me feel guilty, and I had no feelings of condemnation. He just very softly placed on my heart that it was time to allow Him to make a change so that He could use me to open the eyes of others.
I come from a home of nonbelievers. My best friends are nonbelievers. Some of the absolute best people in my life don’t know how much their Heavenly Father loves them, and I had been standing before them showing them that the Holy Spirit doesn’t change anything once He enters you.
Just like Todd, I have been living a life of complete hypocrisy.
But I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to wrongfully display the complete love, peace, and kindness the Father has shown me. I want people to see His light shine through me so they desire Him. I want every person I meet to experience Jesus wiping their sins away, right before their eyes. I want them to hear His reassuring whispers when the world is just too much to handle.
The gift He gave me was too big and gracious for me to keep it to myself. It is my duty as a Christian to share His goodness by living a life that reflects Him. It is my job to listen to the Holy Spirit and plant seeds of faith in people that will hopefully be watered.
In the eyes of a nonbeliever, I want Jesus to always be seen.
