Comparison is so easy, so easy that I would argue it’s a natural instinct; when you walk into a party, how many times do you look at people are wearing and think either “I look so much better than them” or “oh wow, I should’ve cared more about how I looked”? I know I do that with everything, everyone, in every situation. Even writing blogs I think, “oh geez, I could never write like that” “her writing is so good, look at how many comments she got!” “of course she has more views than I do; she’s so funny and she doesn’t even have to try. Why can’t I write like that?” “Her experience is so much better than mine. I was always negative and that’s why I didn’t make friends like she did” etc.
Comparison has consumed me. I compare myself to everyone I come in contact with; from outfits to personalities. I can’t tell you how may times I’ve left an encounter with someone and made a list in my head of what I need to change about myself because of the person or people I was just with. It makes me so sick, and I wish I could say that I was freed from it when I met Jesus, but I wasn’t, and I’m still not. I wish that my legs were skinnier. I wish that my hips didn’t spill over the edges of the chair I was sitting in. I wish I could be as cool and ~~free spirited~~ as others girls and talk to guys the way they do. But the fact is, those things aren’t what define me. The Lord knew what he was doing when He created me. While I wish I could change my appearance or personality, I can’t. Because of that there’s no reason to keep wishing these things—it just negates what the Lord has done/is doing in my life. So what if I can’t fit in the jeans I wore 3 years ago? That doesn’t change my ability to share the Gospel & God’s love with people.
A few days ago, I was sitting in a church (that graciously took in 46 world racers) and started feeling so unworthy—unworthy of friends, this race, & my relationship with Jesus. I let those feelings crash over me like a wave & decided to write them down. After a few minutes, I realized that my writing had changed to writing about why I am worthy. I am worthy of friends, love, acceptance, & everything else good in this world because I know & love our Creator. The Lord reminded me of the parable of the lost sheep in Luke 15. It says this:
“What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, doesn’t not leave the ninety-nine others in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls all his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.”
This brought me to a place of awe & thankfulness. how lucky am I to have a God who is willing to go to no end to find me when I’m lost? is this more important than the clothes I put on my body? how funny I am? if so, then Jesus dying on the cross was a cruel joke. it’s time for us to start walking in our calling as sons & daughters of the Almighty King instead of conforming to the world’s idea of “enough”.
