My heart is heavy. I feel like the only thing I can do is cry. Even though I may seem to cry more I still don’t like crying but that is all the strength I can seem to find. This is not what I expected.
Word for the month: Hallelujah (Hebrew) Alleluia (Greek)
- In Hebrew it means: God be praised (uttered in worship or as an expression of rejoicing).
- In Greek it means: “Praise the Lord”
How awesome is it for God to give me a word that just means to praise Him. Praising Him is easy when it seems that He is giving you blessing after blessing. A new team, a chance to explore Europe, and being called to Greece! Honestly, it still doesn’t seem real. When I shared my new word with my mom she was excited and could easily see how this is a month to praise Him for the opportunities that are ahead.
However, when I shared my word with America, her first reaction was to praise Him through the storm. I wanted to deny that so quickly. There was no way that He is expecting me to praise Him through the storm in this season. I could not see any storms.
Here I am, with tears streaming down my face, trying to raise my Hallelujah and praise Him through the storm.
I’m tired of the battle. Life at home keeps going on whether I am there or not. My sisters are going through good things and hard things. My church is going through change. I lost my great-grandma. I can see some of the struggles my other friends are going through. I missed my friends last high school football game, musical and graduation. One of my sweet sweet best friends had her first child and she just learned that her dad only has days to live. All she wants is to be able to hug me and all I want to do is hug her. I am heartbroken and all I can seem to do is cry. I know that being home would not have changed anything but that doesn’t mean I’m not wrestling with it.
Lord, why? I don’t understand why all this stuff has to happen while I’m not at home. Why do I have to be around the world? Why do I feel so helpless? Why does it hurt so much? Yet, I know that this is where you have called me. I know that you have me in Athens, Greece and on this race for a reason. I know that I can trust in you. So Lord, with shaking hands and tears streaming down my face I will raise a broken Hallelujah. And I will praise you through the storm.
