well. the world race. it’s april. only five more months. i don’t know why, but as the month changed from march to april i have started freaking out.
i feel like i suddenly have a lot to do…a lot to prepare for…a lot to get rid of…a lot of money to raise…plus my normal everyday life to worry about. i’m a bit overwhelmed maybe?
i started going through my stuff, as i am planning on selling most of it in order to raise money, and well…i’ll be gone for about a year…and probably won’t miss too much of it. and i don’t know why, and can’t really explain it, but as i was going through my stuff i started getting like sick to my stomach thinking about getting rid of it.
what’s that all about? i mean…it’s stuff. in fact it was a candle and a table liner that was making me queezy. maybe that means i really need to get rid of it. like some part of my ‘identity’ is derived from these things that i have collected over the years.
i don’t know.
but i know that it’s good.
this process. it’s oddly painful, but it’s like i have this assurance that it is good. that the Lord is stripping me of everything…and all i’m going to be left with is Him.
that should give me peace…but initially it’s really scary.
who am i without this identity that i have concocted for myself?
i suppose i am samara, daughter of God…fearfully and wonderfully made. holy and dearly love.
so maybe this is going to be one of the sweatest processes i’ve ever gone through. no pain no gain, right?
in the mean time…i need prayer. for peace and grace. peace and grace. and joy in the midst of it all.
alright.
see you all soon.
