(Title taken from the book by the same name, Jew in the Pew by Jenny Berg Chandler)
Upon announcement of my participation in the World Race, the question that seemed to be asked most was why am I, a Jew, partaking in a Christian Missions trip? The following post will walk you through my spiritual journey over the past year and hopefully by the end will answer that question. If you have no problem accepting this paradox, feel free to skip this post. But, if you’re at all curious about my evolution, I invite you along on my spiritual journey, as I explain the miraculous ways God has worked in my life.
In May of last year, I met my current boyfriend Derek. Prior to this point, since freshman year I had wanted to delve deeper into my faith and become a better and more informed Jew. I wanted to carry on the various Jewish traditions, and raise Jewish kids one day. Therefore I decided I wanted to either meet a man that was Jewish, or didn’t care, as long as my current faith wouldn’t be challenged. This was my stone cold mind set for at least two years. But apparently God had different plans.
Upon meeting Derek I found out he was raised Catholic, and not only that, but he strongly desired to pursue his own Christian-rooted relationship with God. As we grew closer in our relationship I realized God had given me the exact opposite of what I was looking for, and it ended up working out far better than I could have ever imagined.
We both entered into our relationship with each other, strongly desiring a deeper one with God, and thus we began a religious dialogue. He’d ask me questions about Judaism that I couldn’t answer, and I’d ask him questions about Jesus that puzzled him the same. By illuminating the holes in each other’s faith it forced us to seek out God for answers, bringing us closer to Him and in turn bringing us closer to each other.
The entire summer consisted of a lot of reading; Wild at Heart, Captivating, The Five Love Languages, Heaven is for Real, Conversations with God, Love and Respect…upon others (all wonderful books I would highly recommend by the way). We would watch sermons, listen to podcasts, read devotionals, listened to music, and researched scripture. We were hungry for answers, and we craved more. The summer greatly intensified my relationship with God. I learned to trust Him more, I learned to believe in His ultimate power, and overall I learned the absolute capacity of His unconditional love for me and all His children on Earth.
When we returned to college this past August we began to look for a church together. We wanted to continue this spiritual journey, and we wanted a sound place that would be our root and hold us accountable.
It’s important to note that this decision to find a church together was not made lightly; I gave it a lot of thought. However, the reality is, I had fallen in love with Christian music, some songs especially those that spoke in depth of Jesus still made me uncomfortable. I hadn’t accepted Him at this point, and in all honesty given what I thought I knew about Him, hearing His name in Sermons or the talk of His blood and salvation made me cringe. But nonetheless, the music that sang of God’s glory, and glorified His love, grace and mercy, just made my heart flutter. I grew up in a musical environment, singing and dancing, so music has always been something that’s moved me, I feel the rhythm in my soul and it transforms my spirit in various ways. Therefore, upon returning to school in August, the moments when I felt closest to God were those when I was surrounded by His praise in song. So we set out to find a church that worshipped in that way and that made me comfortable.
After a couple weeks of searching we found Greenhouse Church, and that’s when everything took off.
Our Pastor, Mike Patz, is electrifying. He centers everything on Jesus, the Lord, Scripture and the way God loves us and wants us to embody Him through that love. The church makes it more about God, and less about religion. Every Sunday, I left revived and was hungry for more. The more I went to services, the more I fell in love with God and the more I wanted to spread that love. However, one question continued to remain, was this Jesus guy really who He said He was.
Derek’s and my philosophy since the beginning of this journey has always been to challenge scripture. If something seems odd, not right, or unclear, challenge it, because God will prevail and the truth will always be revealed. Thus, as I continued to challenge scripture, questioning everything I knew of the Tanakh and the New Testament, no matter how much I tried to resist it, all signs pointed to Jesus, and in due time it became too hard to deny.
This then raised another question, if this Jesus guy is indeed who He says He is, and I accept Him as such, what does that make me? I’m a Jew, and a very proud Jew at that. I love my ancestry, and my tradition, the rituals, the prayers and the holidays, I love it all and a huge part of my identity is my faith. That wasn’t something I was willing to lose. As I struggled with this decision I had no choice but to look to God for help. I got on my knees and continued to pray everyday, asking God to point me in the right direction, “I don’t want to make a mistake here God, I’m giving You my heart, just point me in the right direction, where am I supposed to go?”
Not even a week later I went to church and there was guest preacher for the day, Jon Lash. Jon came from a Jewish background, and as he began to speak, I sat in the pew dumbfounded. He did an incredibly miraculous job of tying the story of Jesus into Jewish culture, I remember sitting there thinking, ‘he’s speaking of Jesus, but it seems so Jewish’. I was so in awe of how Jon transformed the story of Jesus for me, that I decided I would go talk to him at the end of the service. As I waited for the perfect opportunity to swoop in and introduce myself, I began to grow nervous, ‘what would I do, what would I say?’ I chickened out, and left. I told myself if I won’t speak to him in person, I should at least email him. However, the next day as I looked up his biography and searched for his email, I realized he grew up a Messianic Jew. If had known Jesus his whole life, how could he help me in this transition? It would never work. So I gave up on that idea, closed my laptop and moved on.
The next week I returned to church, and before Pastor Mike spoke they played a video for the congregation. It was Jon. He said “I’m a Jew and I go to church, if there’s anyone out there like that, come back to church today at 2pm for lunch.” I lifted my headed up to the heavens and literally laughed out loud. I had ignored God’s knocks and whispers, and now He was screaming in my face and breaking down the door.
When I returned to church that afternoon, everything changed. I met Jon, his wonderful wife Nancy, and several other Messianic Jews that I’ve built amazing relationships with since. Jon helped show me that as a Jew, just like many of the writers of the New Testament, and original followers of Jesus, accepting Jesus, Yeshua, the Messiah, as who He said He is, the Son of Man, King of the Jews, doesn’t change my Jewish identity. I’m a Jew accepting my Jewish Messiah, and contrary to what many may assume, accepting Jesus had actually brought me far closer to my Jewish faith. I’ve read more of the Torah in the past three months than I did in the first 21 years of my life. I’ve learned about our heritage, our traditions, our covenant, the details of our chosen relationship with God, and the reason for our salvation.
My journey is still that, a journey. It’s not over and I don’t have everything figured out, but I am happier and at more peace than I have ever been in my entire life. Some get concerned at how incredibly fast this growth has happened, and how incredibly far I’ve come in a year’s time. But the reality is, since the beginning of this journey, my prayer to God has always been for Him to open my heart and bring me closer. That’s all I ever wanted, and all I continue to want, a closer, deeper, more real relationship with my Heavenly Father. Being that God is an unconditionally loving God, that simply wants to have a relationship with His children, I think that was one prayer God did not hesitate to answer.
Some final thoughts to anyone out there that may question God, that may be curious, skeptical or unsure: Start reading scripture. Read the Bible, different books, pick whatever story you’d like; there’s lots of different themes and genres. Start from the beginning with Genesis, start with the Gospels with Matthew, start with Proverbs and read the abundance of wisdom. Just pick it up and start somewhere. If you question something investigate it, pray about it. If you seek out God, He will show His face. Believe it or not, all He truly wants is to be in relationship with you, His child, His creation. So if you’re curious, pick up the world’s best selling Book, start asking questions, and you’ll be amazed at how God can work in your life.
God Bless!
Love,
Samara
xoxox
