Hello Loved Ones!
I’m finally back on the blogosphere, and I am here to stay. My absence has been attributed to the overwhelming influx of schoolwork and impeding graduation. But as of 2 o’clock on Sunday, May 4th I am officially a proud alumni of the University of Florida!!
I know many are curious as to how I even found the World Race, why I decided to go and what it’s going to be like, but I will touch on that in the coming posts. Right now I want to reflect on the incredible weekend I had back on April 11th.
My church puts on a what is essentially an in-house retreat about once every season called Breakthrough, (look into it, http://www.greenhousechurch.org/ministries/breakthrough/, everyone should go). It lasts Friday evening thru Sunday morning, and in one word, it’s revolutionary!
A lot changed that weekend, I learned a lot, I grew a lot, but I want to elaborate on the one thing I learned that I feel pertains most to the World Race. And that is, the Lord alone can sustain you.
This is not merely a line in scripture, a nice engraving on a necklace or a pretty verse in a song, this is the truth, I promise you.
I’m reluctant to bring my boyfriend Derek back up again, but to anyone that is in a serious relationship, the idea of being out of not only physical contact, but potentially verbal contact for 11 months, is a very hard idea to accept.
I’ve thought a lot about how hard it will be to be away from family and friends. Whether or not I will be able to cope, if I’ll get lonely, and homesick, if it will be depressing or liberating, if I will make it?
But Breakthrough gave me a glimmer of hope.
I know some may read this and roll their eyes at the ignorance of “young love” and relationships, and for those that feel that way, I’m truly sorry if I offend you that’s not at all my intension, I merely hope to share my inner thoughts and speak from the heart.
The reality is, when Derek and I are apart for the day, I can’t help but miss him, I believe that is natural. Let alone when we are apart for a whole weekend or a month. And above all, let alone being apart for 11 MONTHS!
But when I arrived at Breakthrough early Friday evening, worship began. Phones got turned off, teachings were made and prayers were had. Worship intensified as it continued well into Friday evening and the next morning. I shed many tears, poured out my heart, got down on my knees and lifted my hands up to my Heavenly Father in praise.
By the time Saturday evening rolled around, I realized I hadn’t talked to Derek at all for over 24hrs, I hadn’t seen him or heard his voice, we hadn’t even exchanged a simple “goodnight” or “good morning” and yet some how I didn’t miss him. Granted I thought about him, I can’t experience God or growth in my faith without thinking about him, because this has been a journey we’ve made together. But I didn’t miss him or long for him, there wasn’t a hole in my heart, there wasn’t sadness or pain.
What I realized in that time, was if I continue to pour my heart out in worship to my God, if I keep my eyes on Him and love Him, He will pour more than enough love into my heart to fully sustain me.
I don’t think I can fully explain how real this was. I mean, that in a time of heavy worship and love, He filled me, no one else. I didn’t feel a longing for anyone, I didn’t feel a need for anyone, I wasn’t even hungry, I was sustained fully and completely by God’s love.
People may hear that and think it sounds dramatic or even weak, but the truth is, that this realization was one of the most empowering revelations I’ve had in my entire life. Granted I haven’t remained on that spiritual high. Since the weekend, I’ve come back down, I’ve longed for my family, my boyfriend and my friends, I’ve been sad, and I’ve surely been hungry, but what I will never lose is the fact that, that place remains. If I need it, if I feel lonely, lost, hurt or broken, I can chose to either wallow in my pain, or get on my knees and worship and praise my God. He will fill me up to the brim and beyond. He will overflow me with love to the point where I won’t need anything else. That’s the truth, that’s reality, His love is real, and I’ve had the blessing of experiencing it first hand.
The most miraculous part about it is, when I was receiving all my love from God, when He alone was sustaining me, and filling me up, it allowed me to love on my loved ones even more. I may not have hurt or longed for Derek while I was gone, but I knew as soon as I saw him again I had more love to pour out to him than ever before. That’s the power of God’s love, it cannot only sustain you, but it helps you give unconditionally to those around you.
This realization gave me hope for the World Race and my time abroad. It gave me hope that as long as I keep my eyes on Him, I will be okay. Sure I will experience pain and loneliness, sure I will be hurt and homesick, but at all times, whenever I need it, and even when I think I don’t, God’s love is there, and it is truly more powerful than we could ever imagine.
God Bless!
Love, Samara
xoxox
