When I made the decision to start my relationship with Jesus 7 years ago, I quickly accepted the fact that I would never be the person to really “feel” his presence or “hear” his words for me. I truly believed in God, but felt so incapable of those things. WOW was I wrong. Gosh guys!! I never thought I would ever experience the closeness & love of Christ like I have in these last 8 months of my life.
WHY am I going on the World Race … it was never in my plans to do something like this. I always admired international mission work, but didn’t ever see myself doing it. In a season of my life where I seriously felt the Lord growing me & working in my life, I heard him so clearly reveal to me that he was “sending me out”. I would say that my decision to apply & accept the offer to be a part of the World Race was solely because The Lord spoke this calling to me. With constant themes of loving the broken, moving into something uncomfortable, seeking the lost, and obeying what God had for me; becoming a part of the World Race and doing mission work for 11 months feels like a gift and true answer to prayer.
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I am so grateful for the ways that God has brought me out of my darkness. To make an obviously super long story about my life very short, for about 3 years & maybe more, I struggled with some pretty heavy depression and anxiety. It felt like it completely took over my life & I was confident I would never feel “okay” again. I held my life, my emotions, and every part of me together for so long, and I could not do it anymore. Life literally felt impossible. I was so lucky to have safe people that loved me well, that sat in my sadness with me, that asked me the hard questions, and pushed me to move out of what I felt so stuck in. I am so lucky to have a God that loves me and never stops pursuing me.
We are not meant to feel unworthy, unloved, incapable, ugly, stupid, annoying, rejected, not enough, or uncared for. Every single one of these feelings is from the world; a world that is broken & feeds into the lies that we already believe about ourselves. The Lord is so redemptive of our brokenness and our shame. I now feel so capable of feeling joy and sorrow together. Jesus met me in my brokenness, used his power, & used people around me to move me out of what seemed like the impossible. Brokenness is not meant to be ignored, but we are so so loved & cherished through the midst of deep pain. I could go on for forever about HOW DEEPLY DESIRED & LOVED WE ARE BY GOD. Life is possible, we are worthy of being loved, we are capable, we are beautiful & created with so much purpose and care, who we are is enough; and that is the truth about us. THIS is the truth I desire to share around the world.
.. I didn’t share that because I had to, I just really want whoever decides to walk alongside me in this to know where I once was & where I am now. Thanks for joining me in this! I hope you all continue to follow along with me in this & if you have any questions about financially supporting me or specific prayers I have, please ask! God is faithful & good.
Much love,
Samantha
