All 27 items written about below are based on actual experiences of Team Manna during our three months in Africa. Be aware that it is blunt, real, and to the point. But, this is real… This is our life. 🙂 Enjoy!
1. Butter knives are not usually very effective when trying to slit a goat’s neck.
2. You know you will get protein for dinner when you are given a live chicken as a blessing.
3. Before using a long drop, you should stretch first.
4. Prior to bathing in the river, you should always do a 360 degree scan before undressing in front of local children.
5. It is a good day when you do an altar call and the Pastor accepts Christ.
6. It is a great day when you do an altar call and the entire church accepts Christ.
7. When you see a burning cross, it is not good or bad, it is just different.
8. Mosquitos suck your blood; Malaria sucks your life.
9. Clean water in Mozambique means a mere 3 worms per bucket rather than 10.
10. Rocks are a wonderful security mechanism when you find random Americans doing #2 in your cornfield.
11. The Male Urination Center (MUC) can double as a place for a bucket shower (BS); bare feet not recommended.
12. A general rule of thumb: when beating a rabid dog, it is like beating a pinata; don’t stop until you get what you want.
13. When suffering from symptoms of Malaria, don’t die; go to the clinic.
14. When taking Malaria and deworming medication in Africa, beware that side effects may include, but are not limited to: anorexia, hepatitis, and in some rare cases, death.
15. Africans tell time by the sun; if choir practice is at 14 hours (2pm) they are not late if the sun is still up.
16. When you hear a gunshot in the middle of the night, don’t be naive and think that it is not a threat.
17. As a missionary in Africa, you must always be ready to “share what you have prepared” regardless of time, circumstance, or lack of advance preparation.
18. A successful day evangilizing is when you come home with guava, ground nuts, and a live chicken.
19. When carrying home a live chicken, always remember: do NOT provoke the chicken.
20. In Africa, a laundry line can double as a leash for tomorrow night’s dinner chicken.
21. Missionary hiegene becomes offensive when you realize that you bathe less frequently than local village orphans.
22. Staying in budget means using garlic as food/seasoning, bug repellent, and malaria medication.
23. Zambian villagers measures distances differently than Americans. A “few kilometers” means two hours and two mountains.
24. When toilet facilities are not available, a bush guard is a good way to ensure you do not get caught with your pants down.
25. There are not prerequisites to join the Nyamphande Zambian choir. You can attempt to learn to sing in Nyanja, shake your hips at the front of the church, and blend in as though you are not white.
26. A good layer of dirt works as bug repellent.
27. A week’s worth of dirt helps you to blend in as an indigenous African.
