Love does not keep record of wrongs.
Yikes! Is that even possible? Did God forget I was human when he used Paul to write this description of biblical love in the letter to the Corinthians? God has been teaching me all year about what love is and what love is not. But, I have to admit, I am still struggling with biblical love. Beyond struggling to always be patient which is challenging enough, God is really showing me that I need improvement in the area of “Love does not keep record of wrongs.”
God has also been showing me all year how he wants to grow me in prayer. This month, God put it on my heart that I was supposed to intercede in prayer daily. Another one of my squadmates also felt led to do this. He and I made a commitment to God and one another at the beginning of our stay here in Viile Tecii, Romania that we would meet daily after breakfast to intercede for our teams, our host family, our ministry here, and this village. However, as I am writing this, he has once again not met his commitment to join me for intercession this morning. One of his teammates was leaving that morning to help set up the conference at the end of the month and he wanted to spend the few hours before he left together with him instead of praying with me. I can relate and understand to his desire to do so. If a close friend on the race had been leaving me, I could definitely understand being tempted to skip out on prayer or at least attempt to postpone to a later time. I probably would have felt the same way that he did. So why did this incident bother me so much?
I found that the frustration was not due to this morning’s isolated incident, but rather the fact that he has skipped out on the past 3 of 5 days. He has missed out and he has not kept his commitment. Furthermore, he asked me to keep him accountable and has made it impossible to do so. I feel as though he does not truly want to be held accountable. Not only has he not kept his commitment to me, but he and I were also signed up on the prayer intercession list for the squad. So, he is struggling to keep his commitment to others as well.
All of these frustrations, emotions, and challenges have occurred within the past five days. While this seems pretty short-term, not a huge deal, and just a squadmate (whom I’m not close to and honestly barely know) how much does this show me and reflect about how I’ve handled years upon years of the same type of thing on a larger scale in other relationships with family and friends. Perhaps this intercession commitment is an opportunity for God to reveal, teach, and grow me in this area which will in turn help to restore relationships that have been damaged by this very issue. How many other people in my life do I think I’ve “forgiven” and show “love” but have not truly done so according to the Bible? What needs to change in my heart to make this possible? In what ways do I need to reconcile with others?
While I know that God still wants to show me how this revelation applies to other relationships, he has provided opportunities to express my frustrations with my squadmate and for us to discuss the situation. Additionally, God has also put it on my heart that he now wants me interceding twice a day which has more or less doubled the frequency of my squadmate’s participation and in turn reduced frustration on my side. But, I am praying that during the rest of my time of ministry this month and through my relationship with this squad mate that God will continue to bring revelation and show me how he wants to work through this challenging area of my life.
