As I sit here in bed, I think of all that I’ve done this past month. I think of the work that’s been completed. I’m figuring out how I can grow, how I can look more like Christ, and how I can thrive going into next month.
This month was an interesting one. I did inventory of ministry curriculum, I helped rake and sweep, I scrubbed a cement slab, and I rested. Sure there were other little things here and there, but that was the majority of what I did. It doesn’t sound so appealing those jobs, but they were necessary. They were important.
This month, the devil had me believing lies about the work I was doing.
“You’re just counting books.”
“At least last month you taught children.”
“You’re not even making a difference.”
We’ve been doing lots of sowing. The work that has gone on this month has been for what’s to come. Almost everything we did was to make room for the missions conference they have here every year. Right now, there are people from Mexico, Nicaragua, Ecuador, Honduras, Colombia, and Guatemala here on the ranch to learn about teaching children’s and youth ministry. They’re going to take what they learn here, return to their countries, and make an impact in their own communities.
We’re not only getting to serve the people of Guatemala this month, but also getting the chance to make an impact on Central and South America. I understood that in my head, but my heart still believed the lie that I wasn’t doing Kingdom work, that what I was doing wasn’t good enough.
When you’re not doing the work that people think of when you hear the word, “missions,” it’s easy to get discouraged. For me, the fact that I’m still fundraising led me to believe I had to do something that’s worthy of being supported. Who would want to donate to someone who is counting books? People want to see me caring for orphans, not scrubbing a cement slab. If I’m being honest, I felt ashamed.
I’m reminded of the Garden of Eden.
[Adam] answered, ”I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And [God] said, “Who told you that you were naked?”
Genesis 3:10-11
Prior to eating the fruit, Adam and Eve knew no shame. Once their eyes were opened, they hid because of the shame that covered them. I can understand why Adam did that because I’ve done the same thing. In believing the lie that I need to do something good enough to be called worthy of being funded, I hid from everyone back home. I didn’t want to face everyone and ask for money because who am I to be worthy of being supported?
And so it comes down to worth. Where does it come from?
Last time I checked, my God says it doesn’t come from the works I do, but from Him alone. He calls me worthy. He calls me valuable. That’s what I have to rest in. Not the belief that I have to work for approval, but that I can work from it because I’ve already got it.
So yeah, I’ve been counting books, but those books will be in the hands of kids that are going to come to know Jesus because of it. Yeah, I scrubbed a cement slab, but that’s because the slab will soon be the floor of a future classroom where children will come to learn and grow. I’ve done things that seem menial, but it’s all part of the process.
So here I am out of the cover of shame asking for your help, asking if you would like to join me on this journey. Whether we know each other personally or you happened upon this post by chance, I need your help. I’m currently $1500 away from my next financial deadline. When is that deadline, you ask? In three days. If you would like to help me continue on this journey, would you prayerfully consider donating to my Race? Even if you can’t, maybe someone you know can so sharing this would be greatly appreciated! The Lord has to move mountains to meet this deadline and I’m fully believing He will.
Thank you for all the support so far and I ask that you just keep those prayers coming! Love you all tons and I can’t wait to share with you what the Lord continues to do all over the world!!
With a grateful heart,
Sam
