I have tried several times to put the thoughts from the last month into a blog about preparing for launch. Every time I end up typing some random thoughts, saving the document and not returning to it. Last night I had a dinner and movie date with my dad. As we were driving home it hit me why I had never posted any of the past blogs; I was being totally and completely selfish. I was complaining about struggles and hard times that have come in the past month; the attacks from the enemy that were trying to rob me of the happiness and peace that I so desired before leaving for the race.
I am glad I never got around to finishing any of those posts because I now realize how misguided I have been during the past month. Yes, this month has been a struggle. I have battled loneliness, heartache and a broken foot. Yes, I said a broken foot, talk about having a meltdown prior to launch, but I couldn’t even see the grace of my Father when the doctor said I would be out of the boot two days before launch. I was missing my friends that were now scattered across the US and I couldn't just run and have a coffee date with them. I had tunnel vision that this was supposed to be a month of showering joy on my friends and enjoying fellowship with my family, not struggling to just walk down the hallway of my house. Now that I am exactly 2 days from heading to Atlanta (no boot!) I finally realize how selfish I have been during the past month. None of this preparation is about me, and none of what will happen on the race is either. At training camp my favorite take away was..
“do anything in me that you might do everything through me”
If I truly believe this prayer, then all of my thoughts recently have been selfish and self serving.
Anything means ANYTHING!
Not what I pick and choose, or the some of those things, it means completely surrendering to whatever the Lord does in me. For me during the last month that meant dealing with a lot of physical and emotional pain, but at the end of the month I am rejuvenated and still trusting in His grace. He allowed me to experience a healed foot that can walk with no pain. And He took away my loneliness the moment I signed on to a group video chat with all my friends. He has provided in His own way and with His own timing, the things that I needed.
So here I am 2 days before I leave on the race with a refreshed outlook and humbled mindset. This race is not about me. It is not about the cool things I will get to do, the culture I will experience, or the strange new foods that I will try. It is about the people. The people I will serve and those who will unknowingly serve me. It is about sharing with these people and loving them as He loves us. It is about the GOSPEL and making sure that every tribe, tongue, and people group have heard it. Everything about this race is about being selfless and allowing my body to be used for His needs. He can do this all without me, but He has chosen me and about 200 other young people to leave in September and carry out His call.
I will lose my life
And just let go
Because I know this world is not my home
With fearless faith
I won't be moved
Unshakeable inside Your truth
You laid Your life down
And gave it up
So I'll give it up
I wanna be reckless
Cause You are endless
(Reckless. -Jeremy Camp)
LAUNCH! It is exactly 2 days away!
CRAZYYYYY
Tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed at home.
Tomorrow I will head to High Point, NC to spend the night with my little sister,
and then the next morning she will take me to the airport and BAMM launch starts.
It is surreal to think this is my last night in Lenoir. The last night hanging out with my parents. The last night to enjoy my dads cooking (totally milking that and having a feast!). There are so many lasts that will take place in the next few days, but there are so many firsts on the other side them.
The AIM staff said that they don’t want the race to be the best thing we do in our lives, they want it to be the beginning. So, I guess it’s time for the beginning to start…in exactly 43 hours!
