I used to always think I was scared of change. That I avoided it and I didn’t handle it well.
I’ve recently (this morning) come to the revelation I’ve actually been chasing it.
I’ve lived for it and it has been like an adrenaline rush I seek after.
With this revelation came clarity of years of running and searching. I’ll start at the beginning…
We live in a culture that actually teaches us to compartmentalize the seasons of our life and strategically go from one to the next. Even when there is some overlap, it is rare that growing up we experience much consistency.
The longest season that I’ve ever experienced, where I was surrounded by the same environment and same people was elementary school (over 13 years ago). After that it was periods of three years, four years, two years, three years…you get the picture.
Change has become almost like a drug to me. I run after the greener grass in search of perfection.
I chase perfection. **cue light bulb of revelation**
Even when I am in a season of goodness, I don’t know if I’ve ever been content. I’ve always searched for more; for better, for growth, for perfection.
About two years ago I finally settled myself in the realization that I am not perfect. Yes, it sadly took about 24 years for that one to sink in.
Perfection only exists in the One who was and still is perfect.
I can run after it but I will never achieve it until I stand in front of my Father and enter Heaven. So why am I chasing it?
Running after perfection feels and looks like a cat chasing its tail. Even if the cat finally catches its tail, it will be dizzy and unable to do anything because it has wrapped its body in a tight circle leaving room for nothing else. Chasing perfection has caused me to run in circles, achieving, but always feeling alone and incomplete.
I don’t want to live my life like a cat, chasing after something that will never satisfy me and will instead cause more frustration and dizziness.
This morning I stood in worship reflecting on how much my life has changed in the last several years. I looked around the room realizing how no one knew me three years ago. Two years ago only four people knew who I was. Now these people are my family, my friends, and my community.
I’ve been in this place before, but the difference is I have decided to stop chasing perfection. I don’t desire change because I am finally content where I am.
So why now? Why have I finally stopped running?
Is it because I am in a job I love or because I get to travel the world?
Is it because I have a loving boyfriend and incredible friends surrounding me?
Is it because I am 27, financially independent and healthier than ever?
The answer is no.
My circumstances are no closer to perfection than they were ten years ago or even ten months ago. But, the posture of my heart is completely different.
I have finally decided to stop chasing change and perfection because I have experienced the One who will never change; the One who is perfect.
I have become keenly aware of the perfecter of faith, the comforter, the healer, the Father who calls me His and whose character never changes. I grew up hearing about this God but never truly experienced Him.
He is always sovereign, always good, always present, always just, always loving, always compassionate, always forgiving, and He always pursues me.
People, jobs, houses, boyfriends, and culture will never be constant because we live in a fallen world. There will always be injustice, always be hurt, always be poverty, and always be sin until the perfect One returns. So instead of running from all of the things that hit my heart and burden me to my core, I am choosing to stay. I am choosing to stop running every two years when I think something better is just around the corner. I am choosing to remain in the presence of the One who makes everything right.
John 15:4 says to “Abide in me and I in you. As a branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.”
In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word abide meant to sit, dwell, and remain. The New Testament Greek means: to stay and to remain. Abide is used to describe the dwelling place of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
I chose to abide. I choose to stay in the presence of the Father. I choose to dwell in this place with Him. I choose to remain in a posture unaffected by my circumstances. I choose to be a tree that bears much fruit; whose roots dwell deep into the soil of Jesus.
I choose to abide in Him and He in I.
Running is exhausting. Chasing is an endless cycle.
I challenge those of you reading this to make a choice today to stop chasing the change and perfection you think is just around the corner and start abiding in the One who made the corner and will walk with you the whole way around it.
