Nostalgia is my middle name, so it makes sense that at this time of year I like to take the time to reflect on everything the year was for me. Maybe someday I’ll have a whole dusty leather-bound book filled with old, tattered pages about years past, and my grandchildren will read them and tell me I “used to be so cool.”
It’s incredibly challenging to sum up a whole year into 1,000 words. How can I talk about everything that happened in MY life, as well as covering what the whole world endured over the last 366 days? People are continually referring to 2016 as “one of the worst years ever.” Notable events include the Presidential election, the Orlando shootings, Brock Turner’s sentencing, the death of beloved Harambe, the Flint water crisis, and Aleppo, to name very few. I don’t want to focus on those things, though I’m thankful for the discussions and changes that have been sparked because of them. May we not forget the good moments of 2016: Leo won an Oscar, the Dakota Access pipeline got shut out of Standing Rock, The Cubs won the World Series, pandas have apparently been taken off the Endangered Species list, and Joe Biden memes had the whole world in stitches (or was that just me?).
I am going to talk about myself now, so feel free to stop reading. I won’t be offended.
For me, 2016 was a year of drastic change. I spent last New Years Eve around a roaring bonfire with a dozen wonderful Wyoming friends in 0 degree weather and a few feet of snow. This New Years Eve, I’ll be traveling through Vietnam on a rickety bus with 5 friends who have become sisters, ready to take on month 4 of the World Race. I can’t say it enough—life is weird.
Much of last winter was spent learning how I deserve to be treated. Sometimes that can be a hard lesson to learn. It was scary and hurtful, and the short winter days and cabin fever did not lighten the load. Those are the periods of time I look back with a grateful heart—I am grateful for my friends who loved me well and asked the right questions and cried with me, as well as my friends who read my emotions perfectly and made me full-belly laugh. Where would I be in this life without these people?
That’s not to say the first many months of 2016 were bad because they certainly weren’t—a dear friend came to visit, I was filled with baby snuggles nearly every day, snowmobiling the Continental Divide was a regular occurrence, I felt celebrated on my birthday, my coworkers and I spent hours discussing an elusive hidden treasure, I found a new, wonderful church to attend, I went to one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to, and I continued to live in awe of the Grand Tetons and those stunning winter sunsets.
In April, the University of North Dakota won the Frozen Four for the first time in 16 years. If you’ve ever had “your team” win a National Championship, you know the joy—my family and I had witnessed them lose in the Championship at least five times in recent years, but not this time. What a night.
May and June looked far different than I ever expected them to. Maybe I’ll write in depth about it someday because it was significant. It started like any other spring—my soul was again being filled by being on the backs of some really good horses, exploring wild places and spending long days at the barn. By the middle of the month I began to experience health issues I later learned were withdrawal effects from a medication I had stopped taking. I lost my appetite completely and therefore stopped eating. I was weak. I lost 12 pounds in two weeks. I needed other people to throw my saddle on my horse because I couldn’t always lift it anymore. I lived in a constant state of anxiety, experiencing my first ever panic attacks. I couldn’t sleep. I lost all confidence on the back of a horse, stripping me of my identity and flooding me with feelings of inadequacy. I began to dread going to work (my dream job), giving me feelings of guilt and shame. I wanted desperately to quit and go home. I didn’t know what was happening to me.
However, during that time I learned more richly what it meant to seek the Lord—I begged Him to fix me. Every morning I came to Him asking simply for the strength—physical and emotional— to make it through that day. I look back on the journal entries from those weeks and they make me tear up because of how desperate I was. Jesus did heal me in His time, and He taught me how loved and cared about I am. The people around me–my family, friends, and coworkers–cared for me so well. I thank God He kept me in Wyoming for the rest of the summer.
In my remaining summer months at the ranch, I watched two of my best friends get married to each other. I found new, rich friendships and sought adventure. I rode a lot of good horses and gained confidence back, day by day. I rediscovered my love for swing dancing and spent hours learning with my favorite dance partner. I hiked mountains, I photographed stars, I jumped off cliffs, and I soaked up every last minute of Wyoming’s beauty before driving away to embark on the next adventure. God blessed me so richly in those months, revealing Himself through other people and through moments of pure bliss. He is a God who gives good, good gifts.
August and September were spent preparing for the World Race—10 days of training camp, a family vacation to Vancouver Island, a spontaneous trip to Colorado, baby showers for my best friend, road trips to say goodbye, four dozen REI excursions, eating the food I knew I would miss, and forever trying to prepare my heart and mind for the year ahead. Those two months flew by.
Now, here I am—the last three months of 2016 being spent in Asia. You have probably seen the pictures, and maybe you’ve even read the blogs about the places I’ve laid my head and the organizations I’ve worked alongside. First India, then Nepal, and now Vietnam. More growth has happened in these 12 weeks than the whole rest of the year combined. New cultures have broadened my mind and opened my heart, the Lord continues to blow my mind with things He’s teaching me, and the friendships I’ve made with people from all over the world are ones I’ll cherish forever. 2016 has certainly been a year of opportunity and provision (like, how did we raise $17,000 in 9 months?! THANK YOU, again!).
I’m at a loss for words thinking about the year behind me. It’s incredible how much can happen in 366 short days. I am a different person than the one standing around that bonfire at the end of 2015. The Lord renewed the parts of my heart that were weary and brought people into my life I didn’t know were missing. He taught me to rely on Him in the challenging times and was patient with me when I forgot. Jesus has again made Himself undeniable to me this year—in grand gestures and simple nudges, reminding me of His promises and speaking to me with His still, small voice.
I am walking out of 2016 more confident in my identity, more open with my emotions, more healed from wounds of the past, and more in love with this crazy life that the Lord has given me—here’s to using it in 2017 to love God and love others a little better. May He bless you & yours in the coming year and refresh your spirits with abundant blessings and sweet joy.
