TOUGH.
Nobody ever said the World Race was going to be easy. I understand that. I have never claimed that it is easy. Some days are harder than others.
We see poverty all over the world.
* picture from The Philippines *
We see people in despair. We see hopeless situations.
BUT. We also see victory. We see people who come to know the Lord. We see God in bigger ways than we ever could have imagined. I know that God is good. I have seen His goodness and faithfulness countless times throughout my life — and countless times throughout these past 11 months.
I think the toughest thing for me has been the situations in which I can do nothing.
I could do nothing to change the fact that Sara will be in that orphanage in Nepal until she is old enough to leave.
I could do nothing to get the Ukrainian boys off the streets.
The hardest thing I can do nothing about? Stuff at home.
I could do nothing when I found out my dear friend had lost her baby. I could not sit with her, hold her, pray with her. I could only pray from what seemed a million miles away in Malaysia.
I could do nothing when two good friends ended their engagement. I could not hold my friend. I could not sit with her. I could not take her to Oberweis. I could only pray from what seemed a million miles away in Kenya.
I could do nothing a few days ago when I found out that a friend passed away.
I cannot be there for my friend, Andria [Keenan’s best friend]. I cannot hug her.
This is hard. I cannot be there with them. I cannot hug my friends who are hurting. I cannot be held by my mom, telling me that it will all be okay. I can do nothing.
World Race is tough. It’s a beautiful thing, yes, but it is tough. And I am hurting right now. I am hurting even more for my friends back home who knew and loved Keenan. I want more than anything to be there with them, but I cannot be. It’s tough.
I have lost a lot of people to death throughout my life. Death is not a new concept to me. However. It never gets easier. No matter how close I was to that person, it never gets easier.
I have also never had to grieve alone before. I have never been away from friends/family during a time like this. It’s hard.
It’s hard to be surrounded by people, but none of them know Keenan.
None of them know his contagious laugh.
None of them remember the night when he ruined the perfect fire Joe had built…and caught my blanket on fire.
None of them know how he and I both loved the line “What up, Oprah?” & would sing it together.
Ha. Remember my blog in which I mentioned going camping the week before the World Race? [here]
Well…Keenan was there. We made friendship bracelets. Jill, Andria, & Keenan each made me one to wear around the world. I am still wearing those mangy things today. It’s funny how many comments I have gotten on them this week…
I would love to say this blog has a happy ending. It doesn’t. I am thankful my team is giving me time & space to process, to grieve, to … just be.
I would like to ask you to join me in praying for all the friends & family of Keenan.
