I love people. I do. People are kind of my thing.
You know how some people experience God in nature? I think that’s cool. If you are one of those people, props to you. If you and I saw the most beautiful sunrise in the history of time while sitting on a cliff on the most gorgeous mountain in the world overlooking the most majestic ocean, we would have very different reactions. You would be in awe of the creation. I would say, “That’s cool,” and watch you.
What?
Well… I “see God” in people. I get my fill from people. As awesome as creation such as sunrises and mountains and oceans are, I prefer creation such as people.
When I see a child, I thank God for this beauty. When I see an elderly woman, my heart races and I praise God for His creation. When I look at you, I see God’s fingerprints everywhere. Ahh. That’s where I get my fill. Definitely.
HOWEVER.
This month was a little different. While preparing to leave Cambodia and enter Kenya, I had an h2h with God. Basically, He decided that I needed to get my fill from Him alone. I have become way too dependent on people. I look to people for encouragement. I look to people for my fill.
Not acceptable. While God gives me people to fill me, I often overlook that. I “need” to be surrounded by people in order to survive. This month…that changed. Oh, I was surrounded by people, but boy was I lonely.
The worst part? There was NOTHING anyone could do about it. For days I felt this deep loneliness. My team was great — they encouraged the boogers out of me. Our host family and contact and all the other Isibanians were fantastic as well… but yet I still felt lonely.
I had no choice but to turn to God. I was desperate to fill this void. I began waking up earlier than normal, spending hours each morning reading my Bible, praying, and worshipping. I had to do something. I could no longer stand the loneliness.
He was faithful. He filled me. Morning by morning, I saw His new mercies for me. I saw His grace. I felt His love. I felt His presence. He filled me.
And then… I stopped. I became complacent. I became lazy. I stopped getting my fill from Him.
Apparently I am not super smart… I allowed myself to fall back into the loneliness and in turn, my attitude became super poor. Negativity was all that surrounded me. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to be around people. I was on the verge of a complete and total breakdown. I was a mess. [Allison Johnston — I had a death-grip on the “bucket” on which I was sitting].
And THEN.
January 25, Sarah was in charge of feedback. She encouraged us to remember our victories — even little ones. Yes, we struggle sometimes. Yes, we go through rough patches. HOWEVER. God always supplies victories. His goodness shines forth every.single.day. We went around the room and shared some of our victories out loud. Encouraging? Yes!
THAT was a turning point for me. I began writing a list of victories I had witnessed throughout the past 5 months on the race. I began to remember all the GOOD that God has done in and through me, my team, and the rest of the Q.
What a cool perspective. When we remember our victories, we cannot help but have a positive attitude. God definitely had His hand in that feedback night. I told Sarah that had she not spoken to us about victories that night, she most likely would have found me the next day hiding in a corner, rocking back & forth in the fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably. That night was a victory in itself.
So, as Sarah did for us, I encourage you, my faithful readers, to begin writing a list of victories — even the smallest ones. It could change your life like it did mine. 🙂
