Old habits die hard, or so the old adage goes I think. Or sometimes they never quite die, but choose to rear their ugly head in some new sort of fashion. You may not even identify it as such until you suddenly realize that you've been doing it for awhile. I've had some struggles in the past few weeks that seem to be coming to a head. The mask has been pulled off and the culprit identified.
I've been frustrated because I have this perception that I don't sense or feel things in the same way that a lot of the people around me whom I live and work with do. I felt like I've been missing out on some special connection to our God that I perceived many other people having.
The truth is that I wasn't wired in that manner. Just as I was not created to look like anyone else or have the same exact abilities as anyone else, the way that I connect to the intimate presence of God is it's own unique way as well. I wasn't wired to be like Bobby Sue or Shelly John Bo-Bo.
It might be petty, but part of me actually felt guilty when I perceived that I didn't get "it" the same way others did. Then I sat down and spoke with my department head here and pretty much everything he said hit spot on with some of the things I've struggled with. Just hearing somebody else say that they put a similar level of importance on quality time as I do and what a struggle it can be when we perceive that our relationship with God is all one sided brought a lot of comfort. But on the flipside, he had a wealth of knowledge and wisdom to share in combating a bunch of the garbage I'd let myself believe as true.
There is no doubt that I've got areas to work in in my life where I've got my own things getting in the way of going deeper. I see that now and it is time to tackle it.
Ephesians 2:10 says that "We are God's masterpiece." Uniquely created to be my own individual. Who the heck am I to believe any different or doubt that?
