This was originally written November 15th. Finally it is being posted. Some names have been altered to protect those mentioned in this blog.
I’ve got 9 days left of ministry on the World Race. A week after that and I’ll be fighting culture shock in California. If I ever thought that ministry would go out with a whimper instead of a heart wrenching bang, I was sorely mistaken. I truly love the Philippines. This country and ministry has been one of my favorites on the race. The past few days have also proved to be some of the toughest.
Hike through the jungle on one of our off days.
For the past two days, amongst many other things, I’ve been doing some door to door ministry. In past months, anything of that nature has not exactly been my favorite. I’ve had the option to do other things here, but I’ve felt God pushing me to invest just a little more. “Give of yourself just a little more. Your race is close to ending, but it hasn’t ended yet.”
So today, Kristen and I along with Pastor Jojo made a few house visits on the outskirts of Malaybalay. Just picture a jungle with flowing streams, wild flowers, and just a breath taking landscape. Nestled within that is a ridiculous amount of poverty. In our final house, we were invited in and sat in the equivalent of a living room. To give you a visual on the actual size, we had 5 adults, plus a couple of children sitting in an area that is probably comparable to the floor space that 2 bathtubs sitting beside one another would take up. One of the women we spoke with was pregnant and worried that her husband was going to run out on her. The other, her “husband” left 9 years ago.
I want to focus on the second woman, "Esther". Because with her, I probably had the toughest conversation I’ve had with someone over the course of the entire race. You see, she has at least 2 children. One who is 26, married, still lives with her, and treats her very poorly. The other is a 9 year old girl whom we met and you could see the love for her mother in her eyes. Especially when "Esther" had tears rolling down her face.
"Esther" says she believes in God. She says she prays to Him fervently asking for His help because she can’t provide for her family. She believes that she’s being punished for her sins because He’s not answering her prayers. No help is coming. No providence is coming to her. She suffered from sexual assualt and abuse. She’s so desperate that she’s tried to kill herself 3 times and wants to know why God wouldn’t just let her die if He won’t answer those prayers. That hurts me so much. I want to know why as well. It’s unbelievably hard to look someone in the eyes who is so desperate for some answers to prayers, and for myself to only have words and more prayers to give. I know it’s no accident that we met "Esther" today. I know that God hasn’t forgotten her and has a plan for her. But dang if it isn’t hard to believe and remember that some days, especially when you don’t have answers to what she’s looking for.
As much as I want to give one, I don’t have an earthly solution. I just don’t. What I do have and shared were the promises that God gives to us. I read these verses this morning and without a doubt believe that they were meant to be shared with "Esther" today.
Romans 8:35,37-39: – Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Update from November 20th – We saw "Esther" once more after our initial meeting. We invited her to come with us to church to a service two Sundays ago. She said she had nothing appropriate to wear and had a few other reasons for not going as well. Pastor Jojo visited her again in between our meeting and church and something changed because on Sunday, there she was along with her 9 year old daughter. There is still got a long way to go for her story, but seeing her again on Sunday was a huge boon to my spirit.
