Since I write things on this blog and you read them, I feel like we’re friends. Right? Right. So, as my friend, I feel like there’s something you should know about me:
I am not a good person.
I mean, I tried to be. I did well in school, I got good grades and joined extracurriculars like marching band and student congress and knitting club and I did winter guard and I was first chair in the wind ensemble. I don’t pick fights, I’ve never smoked anything, I’ve never drank any alcohol, I’ve never done drugs. I go to church every Sunday and I went to youth group and bible studies and I’ve spent all my summers at Bible camp. When I went to college, I joined His House (a Christian group on campus), found a church I attended every Sunday, joined an intramural soccer team, volunteered with underprivileged children at a kid’s club on Tuesdays and visited the elderly in nursing homes on Fridays.
And now here I am in Guatemala on the World Race. Right now every day from 8A.M.-12P.M., I volunteer in a hospital for people with cerebral palsy. I spend my days feeding and caring for and playing with and brushing the hair and teeth of people who cannot and do not acknowledge my presence. I get spat up on and urinated on and hit and grumbled at in incoherent Spanish.
Which leads me to this question: Why? What’s the point in living probably the most straightedge life ever?
I’ll tell you. When I was younger, I lived in fear. I was deathly afraid of disappointing those around me. So I followed the rules and washed the dishes and sought out knowledge. I went to college and served the Lord. Because that’s what was expected of me. I thought that if I did enough good things, then I could make the people around me proud. But, the thing is, looking for human approval only goes so far. I learned the hard way that if you live by man’s praise, you will die by man’s disapproval.
There will always be someone who doesn’t approve of my actions, I will always be disappointing someone. But, you know what, that’s okay. Because that’s not the point of life. Our purpose is not to be “good” people. I’ve been wrestling lately with a truth that struck me as very profound. It’s a quote from Donald Miller’s “Blue Like Jazz”, and it goes like this:
“The biggest lie I have ever contended with is this: life is a story about me.”
I read this and I was like, oh wow. Because, you see, it hit me that it doesn’t matter what I do because, in the grand scheme of life, nothing I can accomplish will ever get me any closer where I want to be.
Because I have a Creator who is madly and irrevocably in love with me. Despite my faults and my sins and my mistakes. And He loves me and is totally proud of me simply because I am His child. In the words of Max Lucado,
And, ultimately, my goal in life is to be with Him for eternity. But the only way for me to do that is to be holy. Not good, holy. And holiness is not something I can ever achieve on my own. As we are told in Hebrews,
“It is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.”(10:4)
But the good news is that since God thinks I’m the best thing since sliced bread, He provided atonement for all the sucky things I’ve ever done and ever will do long before I thought about them. Going back to Hebrews, Paul says that
“For by one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” (10:14).
Made perfect forever. I mean, I think that’s pretty cool. The Creator of the UNIVERSE liked us so much that He sent His only son to make us, insignificant us, PERFECT forever. If you don’t think that’s the raddest thing ever then read it again.
So yeah. I am not a good person. And neither are you. But being a “good” person was never the goal. That’s not the game plan. The goal here is righteousness, and there is no one righteous, not even one. And no amount of “good” things we do is ever going to change that. And, conversely, no mount of “bad” things we do will ever change that. We are, all of us, on the same playing field. The ground is level at the foot of the cross. The only way to attain holiness is through Christ Jesus.
And He’s more than willing to help you out. He thinks you’re really great. Like, He would totally hang your artwork on His fridge.
So that’s life. And I’m getting it through my thick skull that the approval of the Lord is the thing that matters here. And I already have that. So, in mutual love, I want to serve Him the best I can by loving His people.
So maybe if you gave me some artwork, I might hang it on my fridge too.
