I seriously have no idea how to write this blog. I’ve been home from Training Camp for a few days now, and all the processing my little mind is doing isn’t even close to being done.
When I signed up for the World Race, things like Training Camp and Launch seemed so far away. Now, I’ve successfully lived through the infamous World Race Training Camp, and Launch is a mere 6 weeks away. WHAT!
I’m going to be perfectly honest with you: I was scared to death going into Training Camp. I was scared to death about meeting my squad mates. I was scared to death about the physical aspect of training camp. I was scared to death about teams. I was scared to death about ALL the unknowns. Nervous jitters wrecked my body as I waited for 4 of my squad mates to pick my up from the airport. I was a sweaty mess as we pulled up to training camp, put on our packs, and officially started one of the best, craziest, scariest, hardest, most spirit filled, fulfilling, and beautiful weeks of my life.
The first couple of days of training camp were exhausting. The romanticism of The World Race had dropped away, and the reality of the calling the Lord placed in my heart, and the commitment that I made to Him, hit me. My heart has never ached so hard, or missed so bad, in my life. Satan used my vulnerability against me; he used my aching heart, and the fact that I was missing Jeremy and my family, to bring me down. As I lay in my tent Sunday night, I quietly wept. I fought with the Lord, and told Him that I just couldn’t do this. I wasn’t made for this, and I didn’t think I could handle being away from my home for a year.
The next day and a half followed the same general theme in my heart. I was scared to death. I felt defeated. I was scared to press in because I was terrified of being rejected. Satan was doing a doozy on my heart.
But something beautiful happens when you tell Satan to go to hell and get out of your head. Something beautiful happens when you relinquish your fears to the Lord. During a worship session Tuesday night, I did just that. I spent the whole time crying out to the Lord. I grieved all the things in my heart that I’ve been clinging to. I grieved the birthdays I’ll miss. I grieved the changes that will happen in my niece, nephews, Maggie, and Hannah. I grieved the holidays that I’ll miss with my family for the first time. I screamed out the fear I had for the health of my family and what could happen in the next year. I grieved the 335 days I won’t get to spend with Jeremy. I grieved the planning of my wedding that I won’t get to do until I’m home. I grieved the deepest parts of my heart.
I grieved. It was messy. It was beautiful.
The peace that filled my heart was so powerful that it could have knocked me over. The sweet whispers of security, hope, love, and strength gave me butterflies. The Lord told me that it’s OK to mourn those things, but that ultimately my trust needs to be in Him, and that no matter what, He will take care of everything. That night, when I was feeling at my weakest, when I had poured out all my emotions to the Lord, He began to fill me back up with His rest, with His love. He told me that I never have to fear rejection because He accepts me and that’s all I’ll ever need. I have never felt the embrace of my Father quite like I did that night. I just love the intimacy I get to have with my Papa – the ultimate lover of my soul.
The rest of the week is a blur of sessions, team building, African markets, and challenges. But the Lord carried us through, just as He will carry us through the next 11 of our lives, and just as He will carry us through after that.
To UVW, and X squads:
Thank you for a wonderful week. I’ve never smelled so many stinky people in my life. I can’t wait to see where the Lord takes each and every one of you as we embark on our Kingdom Journeys together.
If you are interested in following along on this new journey please feel free to subscribe to my World Race blog. You can do so putting your email address in the link over on the left where it says, “Subscribe for Blog Updates.” It’s easy AND free. I promise.
Thank you all who have partnered with me in prayer as I embark on this new journey. Thank you so much for your support! At this point I still lack $3,792.00 to be fully funded for the World Race. If you feel lead to partner with me financially you can do so by clicking the link titled “Support Saige” (which can be found under my profile picture.) and make a tax-deductible donation.
You can also do so by mailing a to “Adventures in Missions” with “CAMPBELLWHITNEY” (Whitney is my first name, for those of you who might be confused by that) in the memo line and mailing that to:
Adventures in Missions
PO Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353-4470
