April was a month for the record books. Not only is April beautiful in the sense that we get to celebrate to the sweet resurrection of a Son, but it’s also my birthday month. Let’s face it, everyone thinks their birthday month is the best. April was especially sweet because my boyfriend Jeremy decided to surprise me with an early birthday trip to Dallas that involved water, a gondola, our black Italian gondola driver, Derek Brown, and a small square box with a lovely ring inside. And by ring, I mean engagement ring. Yes, I am engaged, and it’s awesome. I couldn’t be happier to have the privilege to spend the rest of my life with a wonderful man who is also my best friend.
Even in the midst of such bliss, I have been absolutely riddled with self-doubt and negative thoughts all month long. And when I say riddled, I mean really, really riddled. Fundraising and donations have been nearly non-existent this month. I sent out support letters about 2 months ago, and those have had a decent response. But any responses that were coming in from letters have stopped. The few other fundraisers I’ve done this month have not been entirely successful. On top of that, the realization of all the personal things I am responsible for purchasing, from gear, to immunizations is… overwhelming! I see how well my fellow squad mates are doing, and I can’t help put compare and question why the same is not happening for me.
Inside I keep hearing “This is impossible!”
Work has become a very stressful environment to be in the last several weeks. People are getting tired, jobs are changing, and thus, anxiety rising. My attitude has not been a good one. I love the people I work with, but I’m done. I’m spent. I’m ready to move on.
Inside I keep screaming, “There is no point in even being here!”
Insecurity has covered me. I have felt insecure about my health, my size, and looks. I have felt suffocated by the fear that my squad mates won’t like me and won’t be able to connect with nor relate to who I am. I have struggled with the spirit of comparison over and over and over again. I’m scared that I don’t know the bible enough, and that I’m not on the same level as those I will be embarking on this journey with.
Inside I hear this nagging voice say, “This was a mistake. Back out, throw in the cards, and face reality: You aren’t good enough for this!”
Fear. Impossibility. Losing sight. Feeling worthless.
Even in the midst of such bliss, I have been absolutely riddled with self-doubt and negative thoughts all month long. And when I say riddled, I mean really, really riddled. Fundraising and donations have been nearly non-existent this month. I sent out support letters about 2 months ago, and those have had a decent response. But any responses that were coming in from letters have stopped. The few other fundraisers I’ve done this month have not been entirely successful. On top of that, the realization of all the personal things I am responsible for purchasing, from gear, to immunizations is… overwhelming! I see how well my fellow squad mates are doing, and I can’t help put compare and question why the same is not happening for me.
Inside I keep hearing “This is impossible!”
Work has become a very stressful environment to be in the last several weeks. People are getting tired, jobs are changing, and thus, anxiety rising. My attitude has not been a good one. I love the people I work with, but I’m done. I’m spent. I’m ready to move on.
Inside I keep screaming, “There is no point in even being here!”
Insecurity has covered me. I have felt insecure about my health, my size, and looks. I have felt suffocated by the fear that my squad mates won’t like me and won’t be able to connect with nor relate to who I am. I have struggled with the spirit of comparison over and over and over again. I’m scared that I don’t know the bible enough, and that I’m not on the same level as those I will be embarking on this journey with.
Inside I hear this nagging voice say, “This was a mistake. Back out, throw in the cards, and face reality: You aren’t good enough for this!”
Fear. Impossibility. Losing sight. Feeling worthless.
As I have faced the mess that has been thrown into my mind this month, God has begun to whisper the sweet truth in my heart. He has said to me: “Saige, do you remember how my Spirit moved through you that night in December? Do you remember how intensely you felt about The World Race? Don’t you know that was me? Don’t you know it was my same Spirit that kept flowing through you and squeezing at your heart? Don’t you know that it was my same Spirit that caused you to finally hit apply? Saige, don’t you remember that it was that that SAME SPIRIT, MY SPIRIT, that ignited your heart to go when you were just 13-years-old? Have I not provided for you, daughter? Have I not proven faithful? Stop doubting me! Trust that I will GET YOU where you need to be. I will get you on that plane in September, and I will carry you through the rest of the way.
Trust me, Saige. Trust that I have chosen each one of your squad mates for a specific purpose. They each bring something new and beautiful to the plate. Their passion for me is evident, just as yours is. Know that I love you, and I love them, and I love the people that you will all come in contact with as I send you out – I would not put together a team that is filled with conflict, but a team that I see as leaders, preachers, and lovers of me. Quit worrying! Saige, you are unique just as each member of your squad is unique, and I love you all the same. Quit comparing. There is no need for that. Stop it!
Keep seeking me, keep learning to hear me, and keep digging into my word – this is what you need, this is all you need, I am all you need to be prepared for this adventure. Just dig in, and dig deep – you will find me. I am already here. And Saige, don’t forget that your race doesn’t start in September. It started a long time ago. I have you at your job for a reason. Don’t lose sight of that. Be a light for me, my daughter, and shine bright with the light of my love. Don’t forget that you come in contact with countless people every single day – TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY that I have given you to show them who I am. Don’t wish it away.
Just remember, my daughter, that I love you and you are worth it. Embrace my call. Embrace the people I have set in your life. Embrace me. I promise I am with you, I promise I will guide you, and I promise that that will never change.”
Trust me, Saige. Trust that I have chosen each one of your squad mates for a specific purpose. They each bring something new and beautiful to the plate. Their passion for me is evident, just as yours is. Know that I love you, and I love them, and I love the people that you will all come in contact with as I send you out – I would not put together a team that is filled with conflict, but a team that I see as leaders, preachers, and lovers of me. Quit worrying! Saige, you are unique just as each member of your squad is unique, and I love you all the same. Quit comparing. There is no need for that. Stop it!
Keep seeking me, keep learning to hear me, and keep digging into my word – this is what you need, this is all you need, I am all you need to be prepared for this adventure. Just dig in, and dig deep – you will find me. I am already here. And Saige, don’t forget that your race doesn’t start in September. It started a long time ago. I have you at your job for a reason. Don’t lose sight of that. Be a light for me, my daughter, and shine bright with the light of my love. Don’t forget that you come in contact with countless people every single day – TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY that I have given you to show them who I am. Don’t wish it away.
Just remember, my daughter, that I love you and you are worth it. Embrace my call. Embrace the people I have set in your life. Embrace me. I promise I am with you, I promise I will guide you, and I promise that that will never change.”
Those are the words straight from my Father’s mouth. Those are the sweet truths that He whispered so softly into my heart. I am thankful for them. I am thankful for a Father who speaks. I am thankful for a Father who disciplines. And I am thankful for a Father who loves.
Those words are just as much for you, as they were for me. Let’s all choose to embrace His truth today.
If you are interested in following along on this new journey please feel free to subscribe to my World Race blog. You can do so putting your email address in the link over on the left where it says, “Subscribe for Blog Updates.” It’s easy AND free. I promise.
Thank you all who have partnered with me in prayer as I embark on this new journey. Thank you so much for your support! At this point I still lack $12,170.00 to be fully funded for the World Race. My first deadline for the World Race is June 28th, where I will need to have $3,500 in order to continue on to Training Camp. I lack only $191.00 in order to reach my first deadline. If you feel lead to partner with me financially you can do so by clicking the link titled “Support Saige” (which can be found under my profile picture.) and making a tax-deductible donation.
You can also do so by mailing a to “Adventures in Missions” with “CAMPBELLWHITNEY” (Whitney is my first name, for those of you who might be confused by that) in the memo line and mailing that to:
You can also do so by mailing a to “Adventures in Missions” with “CAMPBELLWHITNEY” (Whitney is my first name, for those of you who might be confused by that) in the memo line and mailing that to:
Adventures in Missions
PO Box 534470
Atlanta, GA 30353-4470
