A few days ago, a guy on my team looked at me and said, “I counted up the days and yesterday was officially our halfway point.” Obviously I know that the middle of month six is when we’ve reached halfway and I know I’m in the middle of month six, but it still felt so strange to hear. Part of me feels like I’ve been on the race for years, but at the same time I still feel like we’re in the beginning of it. Passing the halfway point has brought some thoughts of home into my mind.
When you first start the race, sometimes you’ll catch yourself thinking about home. But at the beginning, the thoughts are something like “I wonder what I would be doing right now if I were home. I miss my family.” But now when I think of home I think, “What am I going go do when the next 5 months fly by faster than the last 6 and I still have no clue what I want to do with my life.”
Before I left for the race my life plan was pretty simple.
1. Go on the race.
2. Discover a completely clear vision of what God wants me to do for the rest of my life.
3. Get home and go do whatever that is.
The thing is, that isn’t happening. If anything, God is showing me that the point of me not having some epiphany on the mission field is to teach me to trust Him not only with today, but also with my future. This is hard for me because I just want a plan and I want stability.
This isn’t a success story blog.
I’m still struggling to release control of my future to Him, but He is faithful and will continue pushing me to grow in this area. Here is something I wrote out as a prayer earlier today:
Help me to stay present and remember that just as You’re with me now, You will be with me in 5 months when I’m going home. I can so easily go to a place in my mind where I try to work out all the details in my life when I get home. Show me what a good balance is. I don’t want to neglect responsibilities and get home and use trusting You as an excuse to not make any future plans. But I also don’t want to worry about the future. Please reveal to me the balance you want me to have.
So in case you were wondering how you could pray for me more specifically, I would love for you to pray for me about this as I continue to pray about it too.
Also, January 1 (our final deadline) is coming up quickly and I’m still short $1,600. If God puts on your heart to give, I would greatly appreciate any donation. I know God’s plan is for me to finish this race and I have faith He will use His children as tools to provide this for me.
My love to all of y’all 🙂
-Sadie
