I have 3 worlds. Midland. Abilene. Monroe. Years of my life spent in each world. It’s weird living in 3 worlds.
It’s weird because no one shares those worlds with me.
Nobody has lived in those 3 places with me. Nobody can share those worlds. Nobody can share those experiences.
And that’s weird. And sometimes it’s lonely.
Today is one of those days that has me thinking about that.
Because my Midland world has been rocked. Yesterday, my home, the place I was born, the Permian Basin in which I have so much pride became a statistic. Today, 8 people are dead and around 20 more are injured.
But today I’m physically in my Monroe world, and they can’t relate to my Midland/Odessa world. They can’t relate to not knowing who is now dead in my world.
I’m grateful for the communication devices we have, for the fact I could text my family and friends yesterday and make sure they’re okay. And for the fact I can watch the news unfold. But I know there are people in my world mourning right now, and I don’t even know it yet. I feel like I’m being kind of a bad friend because I don’t know, but that doesn’t make any sense either because there’s no way I can and no way I can possibly prepare for this or know what to do. Nobody does.
I didn’t expect anyone to know what to do for me in my mourning when my mom died, and I didn’t think people were bad or wrong because they didn’t know, so it’s obviously not the right standard to hold for myself now. But I feel like I’m missing out on something because I’m in my Monroe world and not my Midland world. I’m not there to see all of the fear and the tears and hardships and the beauty and the fundraisers and the everything else I can’t even start to predict. I think it’s amplified too by the fact I haven’t really been in my Midland world since my mom died. I can’t be there for my family and I can’t be there for my community either.
I know I just have to remember that it’s not all my responsibility. I can’t be everywhere, doing everything for everyone in my worlds. I can barely do it for myself. Sometimes I honestly can’t even do it for myself and then I’m lucky that there’s someone else to be there to pick up the slack. I just have to be grateful that there’s a God who is everywhere and can fulfill those responsibilities.
The world always seems to be okay. Even in the worst of times. Even when I don’t see it. Even if I have nothing to do with it. The only explanation I can find is God’s desire for a healing world.
And now I know I’m on the verge of adding a 4th world. A world that very few people will ever be able to relate to and understand. My World Race world. I know they’ll try to understand my other 3 worlds, but I know they can’t. I won’t understand theirs either. But the world we build, my 4th world, will still be beautiful because of the worlds we bring together. And my life has to be about my worlds. I know that. Nothing ever stays the same. Nothing is within our control. But God is in control, and our worlds are supposed to be about making the one world He created a better place. I just hope I do that. That’s all I can do.
