It’s month 11 and less then 72 hours until my feet are positioned back into the first place this year that I’ll be able to call home for longer then one month and the process of transitioning has begun.
This year I’ve learned that home really is where your heart is, and although I’m learning to place my heart in the hands of the steady and unchanging Christ, I’m ready to park long(er) term in the home of the sweetest parents a girl could ask for.
I look forward to the cold weather and snow covered trees, big cozy sweatpants, the feel of the wood flooring beneath my feet and the creaking of the wooden steps every time I walk up and down them. I look forward to the warmth of the fireplace and the warmth of the laughter and joy that comes with being with family. I can’t wait for the warm hugs, to smell my mom’s perfume, or to see my dad’s sweet dance moves and hear their laughter. I can’t wait to see my brother’s face without pixels and bad internet connections interrupting. I can’t wait to cuddle with our family dog, a little dachshund who loves to be as close as he possibly can be to people. The laughs, the smiles, the hugs, the cuddles, I’ve missed them this year and I’m thankful to be able to return to them.
To my family and friends, thank you from the depths of my heart for your love and support. Words cannot explain the appreciation and love I have in my heart for you, which have only grown stronger with the distance. To my home church, you are a beautiful body of believers and you have a passion and zeal in your hearts for the things of Christ, and they’re contagious. Thank you for your continual support and believing in my calling to come on the Race.
Transitioning is going to look different for every racer, so to all of our friends and family, please continue to extend grace and love. For me personally, this last week has been super difficult as old feelings of rejection and inadequacy have been rising up due to the knowing that this community we’ve had all year will no longer be in the position where relationships are almost forced so who knows what they’ll look like when it’s over. During this debrief I’ve struggled to find motivation to invest in the people around me and I’ve found it easier to climb into my bunk bed in the clouds (they are stacked three high) instead of risking to ask people if they want to spend time together. I’m feeling like a deflated balloon, so as I am transitioning home, I ask for your continual prayers that I would be able to transition better then I have been this debrief and that the lies from the enemy would stop being easier to consume then the word of God.
I hate that just a few days ago I was speaking truth and life to someone who was struggling with feelings of rejection and now I’m the one having what feels like a massive identity crisis.
**Heavy sigh***
This too shall pass….
…but in the mean time I’m going to keep trying to find little treasures in each day until this overall heavy feeling dissipates as I anticipate the sweetness of being home.
If you have specific questions about these past 11 months please leave your question in the comments below. Not only will your questions help me to process, but I would like to type a question and answer blog addressing any questions that you might have! Any questions at all, shoot them my way. This will be fun. 🙂
