An excerpt from John Bunyan’s “The Pilgrim’s Progress”:
“Now, I saw in my dream, that just as they had ended this talk, they drew nigh to a very miry slough, that was in the midst of the plain; and they, being heedless, did both fall into the bog. The name of the slough was Despond [to be depressed by loss of hope, confidence, or courage]. Here, therefore, they wallowed for a time, being grievously bedaubed with the dirt; and Christian, because of the burden that was on his back, began to sink into the mire. Then said Pliable, ‘Ah! neighbor Christian, where are you now?’ ‘Truly,’ said Christian, ‘I do not know.’ At this Pliable began to be offended, and angrily said to his fellow, ‘Is this the happiness you have told me all this while of? If we have such ill speed at our first setting out, what may we expect between this and our journey’s end?’ And with that, he gave a desperate struggle or two, and got out of the mire on that side of the slough was next to is own house; so away he went, and Christian saw him no more.”
These last couple months have been pretty busy. Actually, “pretty busy” is an understatement. My schedule was school, work, homework, sleep. Repeat. The days I didn’t work I was catching up on homework that I didn’t have time to do on the days I worked. I had no free time and I was constantly overwhelmed at how behind I was despite all my hard work to keep up. It started to suck the life out of me; I felt emotionless. My lack of time and empty, lifeless mood started to affect my family and friendships. I noticed, but it didn’t change anything. I put my deadlines and to do list before my relationships. Well, similar to how I told myself that I was too busy for my family, I began telling myself I was too busy for God. I stopped waking up early to spend time with Him.
There is a lot of shame that comes with running away from God. The enemy, during that time, constantly whispered in my ear how I was a failure at following the Lord and how I was a terrible family member and friend (which wasn’t completely untrue). I began to sink in that “slough called Despond” and the burden on my back dragged me down that much faster.
That’s when I remembered the story of Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20.
A large army was coming against Jehoshaphat and his much smaller army. At hearing the news of the approaching army he turns to the Lord for help. “We are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (v. 12) The Lord’s reply: “Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s. You will not need to fight this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf.” (v. 15-17)
That hit me pretty hard. I realized that I couldn’t do homework, work, and fundraising while maintaining my relationship with God, my family, and my friends on my own. I realized that I have a God who WANTS to help me and fight this battle for me, despite how unworthy I was (and still am!). I am a very independent person and I like to try to fix everything on my own. But through this I realized that I cannot rely on myself to follow the Lord, even in the easier seasons of life. It is God who keeps me from stumbling (Jude 1:24). Charles Spurgeon says, “Its not the strength of your faith that saves you, but the strength of Him upon whom you rely.”
As followers of God we are called me to be diligent; diligent through tasks, trials, apathy, or despondency. It is often easy to be like Pliable and run away during the times when following God is difficult. However, diligence and devotion is what we pick up daily when we deny our flesh. However, true freedom and peace comes when we rely on God for diligence and not our own strength.
“This hill, though high, I covet to ascend;
The difficulty will not me offend.
For I perceive the way to life lies here.
Come, pluck up, heart; let’s neither faint nor fear.
Better, though difficult, the right way to go,
Than wrong, though easy, where the end is woe.”
-“Pilgrim’s Progress”, John Bunyan
So that is a little update of how these months leading up to my trip are going. Hard seasons aren’t fun, but you seem to learn the most during them 🙂
Due to my busy schedule, I have been slacking immensely when it comes to fundraising! My first deadline of $6,000 is May 22nd. I urgently need your support! To donate to my trip, click on the support link on the left hand side of the page.
Thank you for taking the time to read this!
Yours in Christ,
Sabrina
