I was content to finish my first year of college, and to transfer to the school my best-friend goes too even if I made my mom pay out of state tuition. Who cares if she is not in a stable place right now with work, at least I’d be happy. I’d be happy doing what I wanted. I’d be happy probably doing things I knew I shouldn’t be doing. I’d be happy letting sin and this world consume me.
I have known about Jesus for as long as I can remember, VBS as a child, Sunday School right out of the womb, pocket Bibles before I could fully hold my head up (I’m exaggerating, of course!) The point is that I grew up knowing about Jesus, the way you know about Santa Clause, you don’t ever see Him but it’s in your best interest that you believe, not really for sure why I did believe but I knew that all the people I loved did and it didn’t seem to be hurting anything but I did.
Fast-Forward a little bit into my junior high days and I would tell people I was a Christian and I would try and tell people what they were doing was wrong because the guy I knew of, Jesus, wouldn’t approve. I have to laugh at my little arrogant self now because I knew nothing of God! I didn’t even want to wake up to go to church or I didn’t listen/understand if I did go.
When I moved to my high school I was content to turn down offers to go to church because I was “tired” or “I had homework” or “I just wanted to relax.” I realised it was because I felt judged and not accepted in my church but it was because I was trying to fit in with the people who didn’t get God or why He is such a big deal! There was one person who I had never gotten along with, Mia, my cousin (by marriage I would hastily add). She was always inviting me to church and this bothered me I always thought she thought she was better than me, turns out she just knew God. Imagine that! The more time Mia and I spent together the closer we became until we became so close people knew if one of us was doing something the other was too. She truly allowed me to open my heart and eyes to God and His holy divine love.
So when she received her cross country and track scholarship to go to college 6.5 hours away from my respective college I was distraught so I just turned to God. I did not like where I was university wise that’s why I was so excited when I found a church to go too. But that first semester was hard because my only best-friend didn’t want to talk to me or really have any contact with me at all. So when winter break rolled around I was content to cut her off (yeah right within 5 minutes of us being in the same vicinity we were giggling and back to our inseparable selves). We had made plans for me to transfer to her school and we had it all worked out, until God wrecked my plans. I just felt that I would be happy there (which is a good thing but not when you know what it feels like to be completely joyous in the Lord!) God was just telling me I would be settling for what God could really do with me.
I felt something heavy on my heart. I didn’t know what it was or why it was so heavy on my heart. Until I saw a dear friend post about her journey as she is embarking on the World Race and it hit me all of a sudden “Hey! That’s it! There it is!” So I applied. Still not sure I would get in. And even if I did if I would accept to go, because I had “grandeur” plans for myself. So I now know that I have been accepted and God has put it on my heart to go I have cast aside my conformity, my comfort, and my contentment. I have cast it aside for different, for discomfort, and for the unknown. But I am okay with this because this is apart of where God will have me so I know it’s ultimately where I need to be and deep down inside it’s where I want to be!
